Hello everyone. This post is part vent and part asking for help.
I’m 25M and I’ve had a pretty rough start: family issues and bullying in school left me with some scars. In high school, I focused entirely on my future because I was terrified of failing and felt I was too "average-looking" to even try with girls. I stuck to platonic relationships because I didn't feel "worthy" of anything more—honestly, even if someone had shown interest, I probably would have declined out of insecurity.
Fast forward to now: I’m in university, working, and I’m confident that my emotional intelligence and stability are above average for my age. However, I still struggle with the idea of a relationship for a few reasons:
- The "Confidant" Trap: Being a genuinely kind person, many female friends have shared their deepest relationship secrets with me. I’ve seen so much cheating and toxicity that I’m now borderline afraid of getting involved.
- The "Opposite" Attraction: I often see women chase men who treat them poorly. For example, I know someone who chased a guy who had already cheated multiple times. Even if she knew he cheated, and was not even his first time, after I told her I wasn't sure about the relationship with her and him, she gave him everything only for him to cheat again two weeks later. This is just one of many scenarios I’ve witnessed where I can't imagine myself acting that way, yet those are the guys who seem to get the attention.
- Low Sex Drive: My sex drive isn't very high. I’ve never looked at a woman and felt a purely physical "need" to have sex with her, which makes me feel even more out of place.
I genuinely want a relationship, but between my experiences and what I see on social media, I’m starting to think I might be better off alone. I feel like I'm in a mental battle: I want to believe in healthy relationships, but I’m tempted to fall into that cynical "bad mindset towards women" just to make sense of it all.
There are too many things on my mind that i do not even know what's to ask or i am looking for honestly
Edit: Add to all these thing my face is not that good, my body is just average not that high not that fit (173cm 69KG yes i am start to train but still…) and all those socials reels and stuff were "men" make fun of women the treat women in a certain manner AND SOME women give even more fuel to hold this narrative i am really afraid of what's my future will bring to me on this matter