This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Made a disheartened post yesterday, and then matched with someone on tinder (of all places) that I’ve been talking to consistently since then. We have a date planned for tonight. He’s interested and eager and nice so far, so I’m cautiously optimistic that we will have a good time. š
I’ve only been on one date in the last few months so I feel a bit nervous. š¬
Update from my date:
He said I was even prettier in person, we ate dinner, and made out on the beach. It was a very nice, normal sort of experience, and it was really good to have someone not be super kinky or aggressive or a complete flake haha
A positive experience!Ā
Guy seems to really dig me. Has he asked me out on a second date? No.
Last night date went good – agreed to a 2nd.
I am also suppose to see the guy I went on the last 1st date with again in a couple weeks. There is a date – but Iām worried it not actually happen.
But for now; I have 2 tentative 2ndsā¦
Deleted Hinge. Telling myself āyou just need oneā can only get me so far and itās incredibly hard to feel hopeful when Iāve not had a like or match since October.
Despite all the therapy and all the work Iāve put in I do struggle to find value in who I am and what I can offer sometimes when all Iām faced with is rejection. I feel as if I canāt keep holding onto a fantasy which is propped up by such sparse evidence. Itās a battle to not take it personally when I send out thoughtful messages and donāt get a match. Theyāre fully entitled to not match me, and Iām not mad at anyone, but it is a painful situation when you experience it so frequently.
I think, like most of us, Iāll rejoin Hinge at some point but itās a foolās errand surely.
Just mutually ended it with a guy I fancied and saw for 7 dates or so, then went on a dud date yesterday with a different guy and now someone else asked me out but I’m at such a breaking point, I feel like I really need a break from dating. I’ve been going non stop since November.Ā
Do I politelly decline this guy and be honest with him that I am struggling to imagine going on a date for at least several weeks or do I go on one more?Ā
I just rejoined this sub and noticed user posts are like days apart now. I’m assuming a rule changed but I guess I’m missing it. Anyone know?
I’ve been single for 10 years at this point and frankly I’ve all but given up on the idea of a partner. I’m convinced I will be alone for possibly the rest of my life at this point. It hurts because not only am I deserving of love, so is my daughter. I didn’t know that being a single father would make it nigh impossible to find someone but who knows maybe I’m just not looking in the right places. I stayed single for a while because I was emotionally damaged after the mother of my child cheated on me so I wanted to fix that first, but damn at least something could have happened. I don’t have anyone to get this off my chest too so thanks for letting me rant everyone.
Had a girl cancel a date planned for tonight, because her dad is having an headache.
I have a really hard time in being interesting. I think im a boring as fuck person ever since I gained sanity after a lengthy psychotic episode. I just dont feel amusement like I used to.Ā
Before anyone says anything, I have scheduled an appointment with my doctor about giving me meds for my mental health.Ā
I’ve thrown in the towel.Ā
Iām preparing to have a tough conversation with my boyfriend of 14 months this weekend that might end up in a breakup. Yes, on Valentineās weekend.
I haven’t used apps in almost 7 years. Do people perfer Hinge over Tinder now? All my friends seem to use Hinge.
Iām starting to plan a cookie box for my boyfriendās last day at work that I got invited. My love language is sweet and savoury lol
At this point I honestly wish I could get some brain surgery capable of getting rid of that piece of my brain that is responsible for that longing to find a romantic partner. I just want to be done picking myself apart, trying to figure out what I’m doing wrong and feeling fundamentally unlovable. I’m also terribly tired from oscillating between ‘I’m doing great, the single life is fantastic’ and ‘When the fuck will I meet my person so I can stop grieving about a future I can’t build without that person?’
I went on a date with a guy this summer, about four months after my breakup. My friend met me after the date and said I seemed really excited, and maybe I was. Heās physically attractive and very nice. But I also remember thinking he was a bit boring and a bit introverted. I had to carry most of the conversation, which is not something that excites me about a potential partner.
He asked for a second date and I said yes, genuinely meaning it at the time. When it came to planning, though, he was very passive. He lives about an hour away, drove to me the first time, and for the second date I offered to drive to him. We loosely talked about dinner and a comedy show, but he never suggested a day, place, or show and kind of left the planning to me – even though I donāt know his area.
I ended up canceling the day before. I was having a rough time emotionally, felt lonely, and maybe just not ready to date, even though I was over my ex? But I honestly just wasnāt excited. I told him I wasnāt feeling well. He was understanding and followed up a couple of times afterward, even joking once that he was sending his ābiweekly textā to say he was still interested. I didnāt respond.
Fast forward to now. Iāve seen him on the apps again and swiped left, but he recently commented on one of my photos saying, āSo what does a man have to do to get that second date?ā
Hereās why Iām conflicted. He isnāt salty, even though he kinda has the right to be. He seems genuinely interested, kind, emotionally steady, has a good job, prioritizes health, and his family seems warm and accepting from what he told me (Iāve had some bad experiences with not so nice mothers or boyfriends in the past). On paper, he checks a lot of boxes. But Iām justā¦ not excited. We donāt have many shared interests, and his personality is pretty opposite of what Iām usually drawn to.
My friend says I canāt judge chemistry or interest off one date, and that him continuing to ask for a second date *is* a form of chasing, even if it looks different than what Iām used to.
So now Iām torn between āgive it a fair second chanceā and ādonāt force something that doesnāt feel right.ā
Hey all
Long story short this past Friday I met a coach at a gym that I go to. My friend was with me and saw there were some sparks going between us, and for the sake of a lengthy post, the girl was excited about stuff we were talking about and actually asked me for my number or insta in the sound room of this gym, (I responded with number) texted me her first and last name. I replied with mine, including a āconnectorā type text regarding a topic we were talking about.
Itās been four days and I havenāt gotten anything from her and have been avoiding the double text, but I would like to ask her out but the next time she is working a shift is in a week and a half. Iād like to ask her out for a drink or coffee and keep it light.
Do I reach out to her this week or do I wait until I see her again to do it in person? Iām trying to tread carefully as I donāt want to blow my chances or seem pressing, but it also isnāt often that I meet someone where it could have potential.
Iām pretty sure I read it on this sub but I could be wrong.
But Iām 3 months into my first relationship in six years and have anxious attachment style I actively work on healing in therapy, but someone gave solid advice here
āIām just gonna believe people when they tell me things.ā
So, if You say you love me? Ok you love me. If you are excited to see me, you really are. No questioning the what ifs in between. No wondering if they mean it. Just believing it
Obviously this can lead to disappointment, if the person is disingenuous. Or things could simply end. But Iām not gonna think about that unless it actually happens.
I have been actively retraining my brain to think this way and itās really benefiting me in this new relationshipĀ
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Downer day. Broke it off with the girl I dated and have been talking to. I wasn’t feeling the attraction I need. It’s probably the first time i’ve rejected someone in years. She took it well and was really nice about it and we said we’d both like to remain friends.
Had a first date scheduled for thursday with another girl who I had been hitting it off with, but I guess she lost interest after agreeing on a time and place (somewhere halfway between us). I asked her if the area was okay and she said yeah and that it looked nice, then comments about never having been there and that it was a far drive. I could tell there was less enthusiasm. I asked if she wanted to find somewhere closer to her or just call the whole thing off. Then she says “ok, it was nice talking to you, have a nice day.” and unmatched. There’s my answer I guess.
Just some rejecting and being rejected. Usually i’d be spiraling and overthinking, but i’m not. I still feel some minor grief of lost potential though. It’s so crazy how fickle the flame is with OLD from one day to another. Conversations will be roaring one moment, then the next it’s cryptic and cold. I think I just need to move closer to the city so that driving isn’t going to be an added challenge on getting dates set up.
I didn’t realize I was so touch starved that I almost blurted out “I love you” to my date last night after the second date… fortunately I stopped myself moments before disaster
A little update since I’ve gone back to silently lurking instead of posting much (but I still absolutely love this thread and read it daily like it’s my newspaper lmao!) – for those of you who were maybe keeping up with me in the past, if that’s any of you…
Still dating the same guy from October, which means we’re about 3.5 months in! Although we still have not put a label on it, the intense dating anxiety I experienced at the beginning has gone WAY down. I feel more secure in our connection, and can appreciate the slow but meaningful progression of things. We’re spending more time together, including most of the weekend the past few weeks. His texting style still isn’t my favorite, but he makes effort to check in, and I no longer spiral when I don’t hear from him for 24 hours.
We don’t have set plans yet, but we already talked about spending Valentine’s Day together and I’m looking forward to that. I’m going to get him some gourmet chocolates, plus I drew him something that I think he’ll appreciate… I’m equal parts nervous and excited to see how he reacts to it!
I know this might be a dangerous way to think without having a direct conversation about it, but in my mind he’s basically already my boyfriend. I genuinely, intuitively feel that he is in a similar place, but not ready for whatever reason(s) to say that out loud. I do want to learn about any hesitations that may be going through his mind, but for now, at least having this grounded intuition that things are going well is such a relief from my anxious brain screaming worst case scenario doomsday thoughts.
I was planning to confess to my crush before Valentine’s Day or before the new years or at least find an opportunity to speak with him, I don’t know what happened to him or he changed his mind, the last two weeks or so he has been avoiding me, same thing happened today, I mean no one is obligated and perhaps he has someone already that’s why, I’m just so hurt because I really thought my feelings are reciprocated, it’s been more than 2 years, I gave up on him a year ago because I thought I had no hope, then he started to show signs of interest, and once again he let me down. I guess it’s time to move on.
Thought about going to a book club tonight but honestly I just don’t have the energy to try. I really want to go but I don’t think I am able to be my best self and don’t want to leave a bad impression. I deleted all the apps because I feel like it makes it more discouraging and it’s hard to read a person. I think I should let myself feel what I need to feel. I’ll be going to Portugal in a few days with my best friend and hoping it will be the reset I need…a fresh outlook on everything.
I’m so rusty at this. Met a nice woman on an app over the weekend and had a couple really good conversations. We’re supposed to go out this weekend.
It’s hard to know how much to try and talk to her during the week. I don’t want to be annoying and I don’t think I would be at all but really I don’t have much to talk about because I’m just going about the work week. I feel like how was your day is kinda a meh question too.
Iām trying to not get too excited but I met someone from the apps I was the most excited to meet and he was even cuter in person. And smart too. And seems to have a solid social circle and career. We have a second date on Thursday!
I also have a date tomorrow with a girl my best friend set me up with. We are both recently out of relationships though so I feel like itās probably just going to be a cute little meetup.
Iām going to have a third date with someone next week. Heās also really nice!
I say this based on comments from those around me: I guess Iām very attractive and successful. Not to disparage my past partners but if Iām being honest Iāve never dated very successful or conventionally attractive people. Some of them had really poor hygiene. I personally never cared about those things(except the hygiene) but I think that led to a lot of resentment from their end and so I would get cheated on or treated poorly by them. Which then created a shame cycle for me because I was like āwell if this person treats me badly why would someone really accomplished treat me betterā.
But I decided to step out of my comfort zone and itās going really well.
I donāt understand why people ask you a question, then stop responding when you ask a simple question. It keeps happening and itās annoying.
I’m moving cities next month, does deleting Tinder and reinstalling work better to reset the account? Or will it count against me? For some reason I’m not really getting matches and I don’t know if I was shadow banned. What has been your experience?