I (f25) want to figure out how to get more comfortable with cum for my (M27) bf.
I’ve never really found cum super appealing. As a teen I knew lots of people loved it and love facials and cream pies and all that but I never was super into it. Only ever really did that stuff because my ex was into it.
In my first year of college I got attacked and SA’d by this man. After a couple years of therapy I’m able to have a healthy sex life again except for one thing, cum.
Every since that day cum absolutely disgusts me. I don’t like it getting on me and will stop what we are doing to wipe it off. I’ve never given my boyfriend a BJ because I get disturbed by the sight and though of Precum. The thought of it being inside me freaks me out so bad and I’m still partly grossed out by my own body knowing this guy finished in my that many years ago.
Bless my wonderful amazing boyfriend who is so patient with me and good to me. I am attracted to him in every way, emotionally and psychically. I’ve told him everything that happened and he has been so respectful and supportive. I’m super comfortable with him and we can talk about whatever. He always makes sure to have a condom and never get anything on me and is always so careful about the whole thing and all my past bs. He never really asks but I know he is dying to get a Blowjob so bad but doesn’t want to push it with me.
The other day we were kissing and getting into it and I felt his dick touch my leg and got it wet and I kind of pushed away. He got bummed and told me it’s can kind of hard for him to stay in the mood if I’m pushing away and if I obviously feel grossed out by him. It broke my heart so bad to hear him say that because I adore him so much and I hate that I am making him feel that way.
I want to figure out how to get over this for us. It’s annoying asf and anxiety inducing and lame. I especially want him to feel like I’m obsessed with him in all ways and not grossed out. Maybe soon more than tolerate or even like having his cum on me. It would be so awesome to surprise him one day with a BJ. I am trying to be realistic though.
Last thing, I’m hoping to avoid the therapy answer. Not that I don’t believe in therapy or anything, over the years I have done lots of therapy regarding my sexual trauma and made bounds and strides. Like I have moved on in life, so has my therapy, therapy topics and session focus. I also just want to try getting through this more on my own using the tools I’ve learned.
Anyway, any suggestions on getting more used to cum?