I (37M) and my wife (32F) have been married for 3.5 years. Last year, the company I worked for laid off many people, myself included. I had been working there for 4 years—I am a Software Engineer by trade but was working in Systems Engineering at that company.
Around the time of the layoff, my wife was pregnant with our daughter. We decided to move to a new city to be closer to her family for support. Between the move, finding a new place, and becoming first-time parents, it was truly one of the hardest things I have ever gone through.
Because of the chaos, I didn’t apply for jobs during the first 4 months after our daughter was delivered. There was a constant need for me to help with house chores and cleaning while we adjusted to the baby. Eventually, we burnt through our savings, and I started applying for jobs daily.
I have been applying since August of last year. I average about 7 to 11 job applications every single day. However, the IT job market right now is incredibly bad. I’ve had very few interviews and nothing is panning out, despite me revising my CV and cover letters over and over again.
Recently, my wife has started telling me that I am "not doing enough" for the family. She was supportive at first, but the financial situation is getting rough on both of us, and the stress is high.
I understand where she is coming from—the baby is still very young and needs her mom constantly. But I really struggle with the fact that she doesn't see that I am doing my absolute best. On top of the job hunt:
• I clean the house daily.
• I make breakfast daily so she doesn't have to struggle with it (she is pumping and constantly worried about her milk supply).
• I have dropped every single hobby I used to do
before marriage because I am a parent now.
I feel like I have become a shell of myself since I lost my job. Hearing her say harsh things from time to time really hurts.
My question is: Am I justified to feel the hurt inside from her harsh words, or am I missing something?
TL;DR: Laid off software engineer and new dad. I handle all housework and breakfast to support my wife who is pumping/caring for the baby. I apply to 7-11 jobs daily but the market is dead. Wife is stressed about finances and says I'm not doing enough. I feel like a shell of myself and am hurt by her words.