Hi I am in a long distance relationship we’re 22f and 23m and we’ve been together for about a year and a few months now but we’ve broken up and weren’t together for a couple of months then got back together after I sent a huge paragraph wishing him luck and stuff anyways I always feel sad and like what I’m receiving isnt enough for me and he’s said some means things but he tries and deals with a lot at home. With all of that he tries emotionally sometimes but lacks the ability to make plans or send me gifts but he does struggle financially and stuff but he also gives me money to eat because I also struggle financially.
I’ve cried on the phone with him at the beginning of our relationship a lot because I was very insecure and also I have a lot of relationship trauma, sexual trauma, childhood trauma, it’s a whole thing but I need advice because I keep feeling like he doesn’t try hard enough and makes excuses and he doesn’t want to hear about it unless I’m mad rather than sad but I’ve gotten mad before and he didn’t talk to me, sometimes it feels like he’ll only understand if it’s something he’s willing to understand rather than trying to understand for our relationship.
I’ve cried like I’ve said and I’m also just an emotional person I cry without it having to do with him or anyone and I just want him to be there for me but he will change the topic or say he hears me and nothing more like it’s not comforting, where as in the beginning of our relationship he was comforting and loving and would sit with me. I think maybe I’ve pushed him away a lot he’s told me he has resentment because he didn’t establish boundaries and now he has to be like “I can’t sit with you I’ll give you space to figure it out on your own” and that’s not what I want he doesn’t have to solve it I just want him to be there and hold me and comfort me as my partner.
I also have extreme daddy issues well just family issues in general and it has been brought up by him that he knows and can recognize it and he does small things to play into the “daddy issues” I have for my inner child. He says I’m precious to him and sweet things but he doesn’t laugh at my jokes anymore or like give the same energy all of the time but he’s sweet sometimes. I love him and he loves me he says it back to me I don’t wanna lose him I just want to figure this out. He’s also not happy with his life right now and I can understand and see why he goes through a lot I don’t see because we’re long distance and so many other factors.
He tries and I can see that but I feel like things have fallen short and I feel maybe I try more than him? Maybe I should try to be more flirty and do things as I did when we first started dating to get that spark back up and going? I just want things to be good and me not have to assume the worst because he needs space or didn’t giving me attention or the energy I want.
What should I do? Also note his attachment style is avoidant and he’s told me in relationships before he had an anxious attachment style which is surprising but I have an anxious attachment style and I’ve always had one. There’s more to the story obviously but it bothers me that I have like brain fog and I cry whenever I try to bring up what bothers me. I’m scared to bring things up sometimes. Again what should I do? Any advice on how I can get my relationship back on track with mutual respect and for him to genuinely see me and love me unconditionally?
TL;DR
I want my relationship back to mutual understanding, trust, and unconditional love. I’m trying to figure out the best way to do that while also being long distance and him being avoidant at times and me having an anxious attachment style.