This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Had a coffee date with someone from Bumble last night. The date went well. She has my number and I don’t have hers as she said before the date that she’ll only share it if the vibe was good. Should I message her today and ask her how the rest of her night went? Or just move on? When we were saying goodbye, I reminded her that she had my number. I’d like to get an update from her regardless of whether she wants a second date or not.
Is there a subreddit for getting feedback and suggestions on dating profiles?
Ok cool cats and kittens, real talk:
I lost a significant amount of weight after getting divorced, and am much fitter now than I was (not crazy fit, just healthier).
And it’s great, I feel better, look better, am happier, etc.
BUT
I’ve noticed that the interest I get from men has… changed?
I get a lot (a LOT) more passive interest now (looks, smiles, doors held open, etc.), but a lot less forward momentum with actual dating? There is interest in the apps and usually a date or two, but then the men seem to glitch a bit right when you’d expect things to get spicier. Some of them seem self-conscious, some of them are just not locked in (which is fine, but…I hunger). I’ve had men tell me that they’re interested, that I’m desirable, yada yada, but then they just don’t follow through. I have no idea what I’m doing to cause this. I don’t know what to do to fix it? What do I do?
I went on a really great coffee date and now I’ve been ghosted. Don’t know what I did/said that was wrong but I wish I knew.
I was talking to my date who I found out is Ace and I asked her what that means for her in a relationship context. And she said pretty normal, but she just doesn’t initiate sex. As in it’s something that’s she doesn’t think about. And, in a way, I guess I get that? But still, being sexually desired is important to me in a relationship, as I would be sexually attracted to my partner and I find that important as well.
I’m just unsure what to here. She mentioned that it’s why her last relationship ended.
Update; [this was her response](https://imgur.com/a/ReZlBTT). Now I guess I feel kinda bad for writing it off kinda quick without really giving it a chance. But I still stick by my choice
Yesterday I talked about my first date with the guy who said females but was otherwise pretty good 😆
In the evening he texted me, there was no “had a great time” generic post-date message which I’m actually relieved by because I wouldn’t have known what to say. Instead it was him saying the results he got on a personality test (MBTI) we had discussed on the date. I’m INFP usually. He got INFJ. He also apparently took this personality test at least 3 times which I found adorable. He seems to have an analytical exterior but a soft emotional core? First Virgo I’ve had any experience with that I know of, and it’s interesting how much he fits the description!
Not very talkative, we exchange a few messages per day and I’m guessing that pacing will continue. But I don’t mind as long as the messages themselves are thoughtful. I’m used to relationships moving very fast, and for once I am at the point where I just want to take things slow. So this works for me.
Sorta got a double text today from the guy I have been trying to just keep as friends in my mind.
Asked him about his morning about his day. He texted me, and then about 20 minutes later when I hadn’t replied yet, sent a you? Of course I am gonna question what this means. Why wouldn’t I!? 😂😂
Ps. I know it means nothing. Just gotta make my brain work today.
My hinge profile gets close to zero activity, despite the fact that I feel like I put a lot of work into it. Maybe 1-3 incoming likes per week, if that. Out of curiosity, last night I turned off my dealbreakers. (Nothing extreme, I had age set to 30-40 and a 15 mile radius which felt fair since I live in a major city.) Over the next 3 hours, I got more than 50 likes. Sure, there were plenty that were outside the age range and mileage I had previously set, but a lot of them were still within those bounds! So what the hell, hinge? Does the app just throttle people who have dealbreakers set?
I got a few more likes this morning and then turned my dealbreakers back on, this time with the age set from 28-42 and 35 mile radius. (These stats encompass the vast majority of the flood of likes I got last night.) Haven’t gotten a single like in the last 3 hours. Granted, people are at work right now, but I definitely feel like something fishy is at play.
I’m going on a date with a guy I met through speed dating last week. We’ve been talking everyday, I’m excited to see him tonight. He’s emotionally available and has been open and honest with me, this feels different and it doesnt feel like he’s love bombing me. Last night, he told me that he got a job offer that’s < 200 miles away from me. He told me that meeting me and the job offer has been weighing on him and he doesn’t want to lead me on, but if the connection is there he is willing to make it work and do the drive to see me. I told him that I’m not quite sure how I feel about the distance but I am open to seeing how well we connect. I will admit I was upset when he told me about the job offer, not at him but just of the situation. It’s obviously still very early into dating, I have never done long distance before.
I’m just going to take things day by day, if we decide to move forward then there’s going to be a lot of conversations about how we can stay emotionally connected and how often we can plan to see each other.
I think I’m getting ghosted by the guy I’ve been seeing 😖
It’s only been a month or so of us talking/seeing each other but he hasn’t texted me in 3 days. There were tons of red flags at the start (like, he’s still legally married and lives with his wife and he had chlamydia when we first met) but I genuinely enjoyed the time we spent together.
Recently there was an event I wanted to attend and I invited him along and thought he got tickets (it was a misunderstanding) and they sold out. So I was a little bugged because he made it seem like he was going to buy them. He offered his apologies and said that he respects me and enjoys my company and that he will make sure his actions reflect it. Through a stroke of luck the event got pushed back and more tickets went on sale (and I let him know) but I haven’t heard from him since and the event sold out again. I got tickets for us just in case but if he isn’t ghosting me and still didn’t get the tickets I think I would be upset.
Part of what makes dating hard for me is I tend to over invest when I really like someone (nothing crazy or clingy but I want to see them weekly and be considerate and I think perhaps my expectations are a little high) and I don’t know how to turn it off because I’m only into a few people a year max.
He did tell me work was going to get really busy soon and had been super attentive before that, but (for me) whenever someone makes it a point to tell me they enjoy my company or like me it usually comes before they turn into a ghost 😖
On the upside this weekend is going to be really warm where I live and I’m going to eat crawfish and enjoy the sun!
Every day I get closer to living the dream (polyamory)
Went out with a recently divorced guy over the weekend.
I don’t think it’ll go anywhere, just fun.
He keeps sending me interior decorating photos, asking my opinions, taking my advice.
Okay I am new into a relationship (about 3 months) after being single for almost size years. I am having to learn how to know when to let things go (the small stuff) vs when to address things that are actually an issue
Feel more like an art than a science/sure thing 😅
I’ve been thinking a lot about how I’ve heard guys say they like direct communication and when there’s no games. But when I: a nuerodivergent woman, am very direct in communication, it is considered intimidating.
Having a fourth date with someone tomorrow who is not playing games. He is consistent and eager to reserve the next date on the current date, which is rare honestly and makes me feel very secure. I did not have instant butterflies but my attraction and interest has been steadily building. This one is starting very differently from the dozen or so men this past year who have left me feeling a bit jaded. I’m trying to be cautiously optimistic, but it’s hard to not feel like I need to guard my heart.
I (30m) hit the dating pretty hard over the last six months or so. I live in a major American metro.
I have gone on 15 or so first dates in this period (and some seconds or thirds). It’s always been one of two things that happens. Either I will very early on realise that this person is not for me, but that only happened three times as this time with my dating I have deliberately only gone on dates with girls I could see myself in a serious relationship with (ie I’m certain I’m attracted to them). That means the three I said no to didn’t look like their photos really.
The other twelve or so dates have all ended almost exactly the same way. Either after the first or second date I receive a very long text that says I’m nice and they had a lovely date and a fun time but they don’t feel like they had a romantic spark. Literally the 12 messages are practically identical.
I thought this was just them thinking I wasn’t attractive but in two of the dates we had a long makeout session and in one of them the girl invited me to her apartment for coffee when I dropped her home and we had sex. the next day she texted me to say she didn’t feel a romantic spark.
By now, I’m truly lost on where to go from here. Take a break from the apps again? Keep going?
My other suspicion is that I’m dating ‘out of my league’. The women were all attractive, thin, and professional/educated from 25-33. Which is to say that I understand they had options. It’s frustrating to meet what feels like 12 women that meet what I want in a partner, have them match with me, go on a fun first date, then get the repeated no.
My friends (both men and women) are a bit perplexed about what’s going on and I asked the women honestly if I am aiming too ‘high’ and they generally have said no, although that my desire for a professional/independent woman is limiting me and I shouldn’t care about a woman’s job. Is that the answer instead?
Hitting 4 months with my boyfriend on Saturday. Big deal for him since he hasn’t had a relationship over 3 months previously.
Things are going really well. I was struggling a little at first with the quicker pace of everything, however he’s been incredibly kind and patient with me. Which has given me the safety and space to go with the flow and enjoy our time together.
I’m feeling really good about our relationship and where we are and where we are going on our timeline. Letting go of the worry about what should be has been liberating.
My parents have some friends who they have become close with over the past couple years. I’ve met them 2-3 times.
They have a daughter the same age as me, and were playing matchmaker a bit, and showed her my FB profile. The daughter said it would be fine if I wanted to contact her, and gave her FB profile to send to me.
I’ve never talked to her before, but we have old mutual friends. When I message her, should I keep it short & sweet? quick intro, followed by would love to take you out sometime if your interested, get back to me?
She is a busy professional, so I don’t want to beat around the bush, but I’m afraid just asking her out in the first message is too fast, even though she expressed interest.
Going through major life events alone kinda sucks. But it is what it is and I have no choice but to move forward. It just makes me stronger at the end of the day. I’m tired though.
So I am having this crush for a few months now where we grew our friendship and very very slowly started to get closer, like moved conversation outside of work etc. But it was so slow and he was so non-flirt responsive for a while that I gave up (coworker). Someone recently unexpectedly showed up in my life and we are going to see each other soon. He is taking me out, and planning and I know this person for a while too, not too much tho.
Suddenly my crush is much warmer towards me. And now I am sitting at home and thinking about both situations and both make me feel butterflies in my stomach for different reasons. But the feeling is the same. Its the weirdest thing ever and I am for the first time in a situation where I am genuinely torn.
But time will tell what happens, crushes tend to cause emotions because any show of interest is scarce. Anyone has ever been in the situation that had two people who would cause them similar feelings?
Question for those who are in a romantic relationship: when did you first tell your partners you love them? Or, if you haven’t yet, when do you plan to?
My boyfriend is ill and we’re not seeing each other today because of it. We’ll see each other Saturday though. He gave me a lift home from the city centre yesterday and we spent an hour chatting in his car, so it’s not like I haven’t seen him. I also saw him Monday, and we spent the whole weekend together from Friday afternoon to Sunday evening.
I miss him and have all the damn feels. I want to make him soup and rub his back until he’s better.
Just seen that someone who recently suggested we progress to unprotected sex, having both taken recent tests and her on contraceptives, has updated their pictures on the dating app. Gonna have to awkwardly decline that now, if they’re still looking to hook other fish. It did seem a bit early.
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Dunno if it’s just my city, but I’m seeing a lot of those tiktok influencer/therapyspeak buzzwords on the apps (“intentional”, “courtship”, “90s love”). Am I the only one mildly terrified when I see an otherwise normal profile with that kinda stuff in it? 😂
The further I get along with my Social Psychology studies and how people form healthy bonds with one another, the more I am starting to understand how fucked up modern dating has become and how most people use dating apps has become the antithesis of forming said healthy bonds.
My approach to dating (the act itself) is healthy from what I’ve learned. Dating with intention, showing genuine interest in the other person, being emotionally available, giving the other person space, giving things time to grow, etc.. Also pulling the plug if expectations don’t align, I’m just not interested enough to keep pursuing someone, or when I’m blatantly disrespected in my face (thankfully, that only happened once).
So I’m starting to think that hey, there’s nothing inherently wrong with me. So that’s nice. I just keep running into the wrong (type of) women. Most of which have been really nice, just not for me. Which still is frustrating in its own right, because I am not sure where I would even begin to find the type of woman right for me. I’d rather die than get back on the apps again. Mutual hobby groups and attending singles events have been working great for expanding my social circles, but haven’t really lead to any new romantic opportunities.
M30 Hooked up with my ex f28 this last weekend after having not seen each other for 1 year. We only dated for 1 year to that prior but it was a fantastic relationship and neither of us has really done all that great in the time off in terms of finding other people. We only broke up due to regional location choices and a few lifestyle differences, as opposed to like, falling out of love or arguing or whatever. I was the breaker upper and she has wanted to rekindle ever since, but I just cannot bring myself to live in the large top 5 city that she does and I cannot see myself committing for a lifetime together, even though I really really like her a lot and vice versa. She wants to still talk about it on the phone tonight and I have just never been able to her to see my side of it, no matter how I explain it to her. She wanted to just hook up just as bad as I did, and I didn’t make any promises about what it meant for either of us, and it was soooo nice to be together again even if for 2 nights. At some point I just don’t how to tell her that we can’t and won’t happen