I have a brother and a cousin. My brother is married and lives in a different city in UK. I’ve recently finished my MSc and I’m currently job hunting, so I’m living at home for now.
The issue is that some family members, especially my brother and my cousin, keep mocking or judging my lifestyle based on assumptions that just aren’t true. I’m an introvert. I had social issues in the past, but not anymore. I don’t go out all the time, but I meet friends now and then. Like most people in their late 20s/30s, my friends have gotten busy over the years with marriage, work, and responsibilities, so we don’t hang out constantly.
I recently visited my cousin in another country (In south Asia). I don’t speak the local language properly (Since I was born in Ireland), only basic, so around extended family I tend to be quiet and shy. English is widely spoken there, but still, I’m naturally reserved in family settings and I’m fine with that. During the visit, my cousin told me I should “join a club,” implying I’m some socially awkward person. At one point he even shouted at me, saying I only talk to two people. That really crossed a line. I got angry and told him straight that he doesn’t know anything about my life. I’ve completed a master’s degree, stay in regular contact with my classmates, previously worked as a teaching assistant interacting with students, and I go to the cinema and out for dinner with friends fairly regularly.
What annoyed me even more is that these ideas seem to come from my brother. He’s the one feeding my cousin this image of me. Ironically, my brother’s own life is very routine. He lives in another city but comes back to our hometown almost every weekend, mostly to sit at home, watch TV, and relax. He only meets close friends occasionally and often seems frustrated and miserable. Yet he assumes I’ve “never been to a pub” or that I don’t have a social life at all. The truth is, I’ve been to pubs plenty of times. I just keep my personal life private, especially around judgmental people like him.
I feel like I’m constantly being misunderstood and talked about behind my back, just because I’m quiet and don’t overshare my life. Has anyone else dealt with family members projecting their own issues or making unfair assumptions like this? How do you handle it without blowing things up in the family?