I am completely devastated. I am 29F and he is only 30M. I don’t think it’s erectile dysfunction because I just think he’s too young to have that. Yes, we are considering consulting a doctor but I just want to let my feelings out first.
For context, he is a seafarer and was just accepted for his first job contract last year. He spent 7 months at sea. As you know, there are a lot of talks about seafarers being womanizers because they spent months without contact. But we’ll get to that later.
When he went home, I was expecting him to be all over me because this is the first time that he has been away from home for months. My libido is at an all time high, I’ve been preparing for his arrival, been working out, making sure that I look after myself and stayed in shape.
Our first contact, it was a success. About 6 hours after, I asked if we can do it again and he happily obliged but he suddenly became soft. I was hurt but I just brushed it off at first. Maybe he’s tired. We tried again a couple of times days after that and he will initiate most of the time so he’s hard, but then it goes soft in the middle of the act.
I can’t help but overthink. Is it because of me? Am I not attractive to him anymore? Is it because he cheated? Does he not love me anymore? So many questions run through my head. Like maybe I’m not enough. He assured me over and over again that he still loves me and he still thinks I’m attractive and that he will never cheat on me but I’m sorry but you know how men are.
I know it’s selfish of me to think this way just because of sex but I missed him and I missed the feeling of intimacy. He will only be home for about a month then his second contract will start right after.
I feel like I’m losing him.