If you were kind to them, didn’t cheat, and weren’t the “crazy ex” trust me, they will come back. Do not block (delete their number or unfriend them if needed), do not double text, do not chase. Keep it classy. They will come back.

I (25F) have a friend (29F) who planted this idea in my head. She always said, “Girl, they always come back.” I didn’t think much of it until it started happening to me.

So my friend has dated about 11 different guys. She told me that each one of her exes came back – sometimes to check in on her, sometimes for ego validation, sometimes to actually get back together. One that really stuck with me was how one of her ex came back after 9 years (NO CONTACT). He was basically in town, asked her for dinner, and if she would reconsider giving the relationship a chance again.

Recently, I was talking to a coworker. He told me his ex-girlfriend (who is now married with a child) randomly started liking his FB posts. He ignored it at first, but then she messaged him saying she felt like she might’ve made a mistake and complained about how her husband only plays video games or just hangs out with his guy friends. He said there’s nothing embarrassing about exes circling back and that he’s done it too.

I also know a friend of mine who got divorced and went back to his high school girlfriend and they are now married. My own guy friends have asked me tips on how to circle back with their ex.

My experiences

I’ve only dated two people and had two situationships. They all came back.

  1. High school boyfriend

He moved schools and lost feelings, which was fine but instead of breaking up, he became cruel. Mean messages, insults, yelling. Eventually, he and his friends even bullied me online and made memes about me (Yesss). It took years to heal from that (i still find it embarassing and get sad over it). he was the last person I expected to ever circle back. He even blocked me. About two years later, he sent me an Instagram request (which I declined ofc). Some of his friends also reached out to apologize for how they bullied me. I didn’t really consider this “coming back,” but apparently it still counts.

  1. Boyfriend of two years

He messaged me on my birthday, said he regretted the breakup, and wanted to talk. I did speak to him and it immediately reminded me why we broke up in the first place.

  1. Situationship #1

We went on four real dates, but he refused to label the relationship. He would always say we are in a “Predicament”. I told him I couldn’t continue unless things were official. He ended it, saying he wasn’t ready. Three months later, he texted me at 2 a.m.: “You said I could always reach out. Did you mean it?”

This story is kinda funny because i deleted his number and had no idea that it was him so i replied with “Umm… i am sorry. Who’s this?”

  1. Situationship #2

We both liked each other (I liked him a lot), but he was scared because we were coworkers. He had also recently gotten out of a relationship so said he did not wanted to make me a rebound (i respected that a lot). I told him to take his time as needed. 10 months later he changed jobs and he reached out. But by then I had already moved on.

They all came back but it took me some time to realize it was either because they were bored, you were a rebound, things did not work out with the other person, they wanted ego validation or simply wnated to break your healing process.

The pattern

When things ended, i would always wish them good luck and simply move on. I deleted their number, i vented to chatgpt, i cried myself to sleep. I once had the strongest urge to text my ex to the point i saved “123-456-7890” in my phone and added the contact as his name and vented their. This gave my brain an illusion that i texted him and never got a response back.

In every situation, I never chased, never double-texted, never begged, and never acted out. I wasn’t that crazy ex who slashed your tires (yes someone did this to my friend) or happened to “show up” on your favorite bar on a random weekend.

Stay classy.


30 comments

  1. Thats a great post,you got some good analytical skills and have voiced this extremely well. but what has it gotten you?

  3. I had a ghoster who ghosted my txt msg come back after 4 months. I never thought it would happen but it did. He ghosted me again of course- next time if he tries coming back, I am probably ghosting back 😎. But to your point, as long as you don’t act crazy, didn’t have a massive falling out or chase them, they can come back. As you said though, it does not amount to much, just like things fizzled out first time, they probably will again.

  5. I aspire to be an ex who doesn’t come back or even acknowledge the other person again, regardless of the kindness/lack of cheating or craziness between us.

    Might be a shortcut to getting labeled as “heartless” or “sociopathic” or something like that but

    *shrugs*

    so I think OP is just projecting her and her friends’ own experiences onto how things are for everyone with a good ol’ fashioned generalization.

  7. Honestly, the only men who circled back to me were ones I didn’t know too well and who had the impression I was “easy” or “forgiving”. The exes that kept their distance know me better to understand that the answer is “No” without even asking. In my perspective, it’s kinda disrespectful for them to come back because it could mean they think you have low standards LOL. Or maybe they just don’t have self-awareness.

    My friend ran into an old classmate of one of my ex’s and that classmate told my friend I was the “one that got away” for my ex. It was sad to hear. Only wish that all of my exes move on and are happy in their lives. He never reached out despite feeling that way. I think it’s because they know I deserve better 😂

  9. The only guys who reached back out to me were ones that ended it or sabotaged the relationship so much, they forced me to end it. 🤷‍♀️ And most of the guys I’ve been with, I ended it. So, no, not all come back.

  12. This LITERALLY just happened an hour ago. After months of no contact, and me not doing anything, (although in my head I had hundreds of scenarios), he texted on Christmas. I didn’t even open the text. Then I swear tonight I get the 👀 in a text. Not responded yet and not sure I will. If he really wanted contact, he would pick up the phone and call. I was on an emotional rollercoaster with him for 2+ yrs and he was just disrespecting me.

  13. I had a relatively friendly breakup with someone I loved a lot (and she said she loved me a lot too, but didn’t think we were compatible after about 9 months) about 3 years ago. Nobody actually said we should be “no contact”, but we have been no contact since that conversation anyway. I have often been tempted to at least ask how she’s doing, but I’m too shy… and I certainly don’t think she’s coming back. If she did, I’d give it another shot.

    I also had a pretty brutal breakup with someone about 8 months ago, after about 19 months of dating. She dumped me like trash out of nowhere for her “friend” that she promised was just a friend, although I didn’t find out about that immediately. We talked for a few weeks after the breakup but when I found out the truth about her and the friend I told her we were going no contact. That hasn’t been broken since. I wouldn’t sleep or date with her again if she was the last woman on earth.

    “They always come back” might apply to guys coming back… I don’t think women come back.

  14. I’m going to be blunt so I’m sorry but I think you need to hear it. Why does this matter? Do you want them back? Bc it’s still kind of pathetic to not text because “you know they’ll come back” if they’re an ex they’re an ex for a reason. Give it all you have in you to make it work and if it doesn’t, don’t hope they come back to you. Let it be.

  15. As a man it may work for me but sometimes if they rejected me at all. I still think I wanna be back with them but since we had no contact. It will never count as coming back. I’m saying this so you are right. But some girls fail this technique and go on their day. People hit block, unfriend or unfollow button so quick to the point the person is thinking to come back. Every dating situation is different. I have thought about to come back but some girls fail.

  16. Bruh i hope he comes back we’re going on a week break because he needs space after I left him and then he said we can take again

  18. I think it’s about 40-60 for me. Have plenty who never circled back and thank god for that. A few who circled back and it was clear that we’ve moved in separate directions. A couple who I’ve kept on socials because I genuinely like and respect them as people.

  21. > If you were kind to them, didn’t cheat, and weren’t the “crazy ex” trust me, they will come back.

    This is key though.

    Also girls who always offered to pay for our dates and never expected anything monetary from me…

    Those stick out the most in my mind.

  22. Truee true truee!!
    I’ve been in two relationships and both of them “came back” just don’t be mean after/during the breakup and respect their space and choices(without taking any disrespect obviously) and they will come back!

  24. I would agree to this. I feel like I have always been genuine, serious or flings. Funny I say flings, because when I was younger I thought I was capable of “casual” apparently not I would end up growing feelings anyway. Like you OP I was never the crazy one, usually more the “Ive given way too much, and stayed for too long … hoping” but like you said most of the guys Ive been always seem to come back. Staying classy and moving on with grace makes me respect myself more

  26. Every time they come back I am thinking-they didn’t find anything better and that’s why.If they valued me they wouldn’t leave.So I am not happy when they come back and ignore them.Once I made the mistake to have a relationship with someone who came back and never again.He is trying to come back again but I blocked him everywhere.

  27. True but I heard someone say that a man who comes back is a man who already left, and a man who is okay leaving is a man who will leave again. It’s not a flex for someone to come back UNLESS they have truly changed, which is rare.

  28. Its not a compliment if they come back. It often means they see you as an easy target (with weak boundaries) or back up option for when they are lonely. If they are your ex, it means it didnt work out the first time. If the reason was lack of effort on his part or lack of compatibility, you should not want him to come back at all. Self respect is having firm boundaries and not giving endless chances to someone who wasnt the right fit for you (even if they were kind).

  29. What’s the point of emphasizing that they always come back if you have no interest in talking to them again? An ego boost?

  30. I am older and I have a lot of fond memories and appreciation for people who made me feel appreciated and seen, even though they didn’t want to go further. I think it’s pretty normal to like people you used to like or admire, unless they revealed themselves as bad.

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