Dating and ENM is complicated
Initially I was seeking for more in life than one partner. My wife and I then found out together that we are probably either poly or ENM.
We understand each other very well and venture out together. So far so good and luckily neither one of us "must" go on dating apps.
With this post, I guess I am seeking advice for finding a relationship within ENM/FwB or within polyamory.
I tried Tinder with the result of nowadays either scam attempts or women in their 40's looking for the one and only to have kids with -> D'uh, you are at least 10 years too late. Similar on bumble. Less scams, though.
Then there are traditionalists who do not want ENM. Fair enough, I do not judge here. But if my profile says clearly that I have a life partner and I am not looking for another life partner,then maybe do not match me…
And then there are men, whose behaviour I get to know from dates or discussions with my wife. Cheating on their wives, lying to get women into their bed (often successfully, it seems), looking for themselves exclusively. It is like staring into a cesspool.
And after some months of experience this tragedy is apparent: the human condition.
Women often look first! for someone reliable for something stable and decide then where to go with it. But they only get fuckdates.
Men look for sex in the first place, but the market mostly offers women looking for something reliable and stable. They would then decide how to go on.
And there is a lot of grievances due to this.
Back in the analogue days (I am 41, btw.), you would meet someone, see if there is a connection and then decide how to proceed. Coffee together? Fine!
Taking them home after the disco? Fine!
This does not seem to work any more. Either the other one seems! to match perfectly or they are discarded.
It is heartless, helpless and shows no character.
So after half a year of dating, this rather wears me down and any advice that you can give after reading the above is welcome.
Disclaimer: The obvious factors do not seem to be the problem in this equation. I have all my hair, am fit and hold a phD. I am quite outgoing, reasonably successfull with women offline. My photofeeler scores are around 7.5 and some are higher. I have a high paying job, dress well, can entertain a conversation, speak 4+ languages, travel a lot, play an instrument in a band and can dance on a high level and geek out in a club…
I think if I did lie about my status and did pretend to look for a partner for life, it would be much easier. But this way is out of the question!