Hi, this is something deep and personal for me(22M) , I completely know what I did was moraly wrong and its in no way justifiable and its fucking with my head so so much. I had an ex bf (25M) it has been an year since we started talking, and he always brings out the worst in me, always breaks promises, always made me doubt and feel insecure, but I was weirdly attached to him, I liked the occasional weeks where he would call daily before abandoning me for weeks. And to make matters worse I went abroad for 8 months and he would still call, but he goes regularly for other hookups, and always lets me know about it some way or the other. The last few months he ghosted me completely with no reason why with some occasional texts. But in the mean time I got into a good long distance relationship with another guy (27M), who is in a different country and won't be back at my place in atleast 5+ months, and to make matters worse, my ex would started calling me daily since I came back, tell me that he got sad when he knew I was with someone else and that he is still trying to be in a relationship with me, that he wants to have sex with me, and yesterday we sexted each other a lot, and I enjoyed it and he even sent me videos of him having sex, and I feel so so bad. I spend so long building walls around him and now they are all gone, I feel everything bad come back, jealousy, my body insecurities, my anxiety in relationships and yes I badly want to have sex with my ex, eventhough i am with someone else as it has been 8 months, and I have to wait for even more for my current relationship to come back, I feel so bad, I don't know what to do. If I were to have real sex with my ex things wouldnt be the same, I would lose the one thing that made me different from him, if the line hasn't already been crossed by me.
I have messaged my bf all these and we would mostly end it. I really want some advice on what to do next.