Have you ever turned down sex because you “felt fat”?

30 comments

1. Yes, lol I have I wouldn’t anymore, but I used to be very very insecure in my body and some days I would try and get dressed and I would feel it an outfit. I don’t think I’ve ever said to a partner that I don’t want to because “I feel fat” but feeling unattractive definitely is a turn off, and I told previous partners that I had “not been in the mood” when in reality, I was feeling unattractive and couldn’t find myself sexy in the moment which basically ruined it

2. Not directly but I do feel like how my body stores fat is something that I’m insecure about. Despite the fact that I’m around 18%, I have looked at myself and felt insecure and feared I would feel the same if I were to get intimate with someone.

3. Absolutely I have. Many times. I have days where I feel awful about how my body looks and that leads to me not wanting to have sex with my partner. Even though I know he loves me, *I* don’t love me in those moments and I don’t want to be exposed and vulnerable while I’m feeling like that. I’ve also been open with my current partner and exes about that being the reason for not wanting to get intimate.

4. I could 1000% see myself doing this. Granted I have bad body issues, possibly body dysmorphia but not diagnosed. Many days I just feel huge and want to cover up completely. I could not imagine trying to be intimate when I feel like that.

5. Fat no. Small yes. But now that i look back i see i was probably wrong because they wanted it to continue.

6. I feel like this is pretty realistic for any insecurity someone has. I’m not fat but when my eczema makes my skin dry/discolored it makes me hesitant to hop into bed with someone new. When you don’t feel/look your best it can kill the mood, especially if the person you are hooking up with is a new prospect.

7. One time during a hookup but it was because it was a long day and I didn’t feel as clean as I would like.

8. Yes.

   But I didn’t mean it literally like, “Wow I’m obese,” but more that we’d overate or something and I felt bloated/too full to really wanna do all that.

9. Oh totally on bad body days I’m like not for meeeee cause then it plays on repeat how I jiggled and what I probably looked liked

10. No because I’ve never been fat. I’m sure some ppl do. I’m also sure some non fat ppl turn down sex simply because they feel self conscious about their appearance. It happens.

    That said no I haven’t turned down sex because I’m self conscious about appearance lol.

11. I have definitely refused to undress for fear of looking too skeletal. It goes both ways

12. Yes. I just don’t feel sexy or beautiful. I feel fat and I’m uncomfortable. I know people who would find me gorgeous but I still don’t feel comfortable. It’s sad, I am aware.

    Didn’t help that in 2021 a guy I slept with told me I was too fat to continue to be with. That crushed me. At the time I wasn’t even that bad, but that messed with my head so badly that I never really recovered. It bothers me that I was bothered by some random guy lol.

    I’m working on myself, both my mental and physical health, however it is a steep battle.

13. >it seems tragic to turn down fun, feel good intimacy because you don’t have the body of a super model.

    For someone with body image problems who turns sex down because of something like this, they are experiencing self consciousness and self doubt. Their insecurity is telling them that it **won’t** be fun or feel-good, that it will be humiliating and embarrassing. And once that seed is planted in your head, it kills your desire really quick.

    Even if you try to logic your way out of it and think “no, that’s not true, this person is into me, I am sexy, I need to be nicer to myself” – sexual desire is not exactly a logical process, so that attempt to force the insecurity away with focused reasoning *also* works to kill your drive, since you’re now thinking logically instead of going with the emotion and vibe of desiring someone you’re attracted to. Or at least this has been my experience.

14. i am comfortable with my body. i have turned down sex / intimacy because i felt fat.
    sometimes fat is not a look. it’s a feeling. i don’t want to have sex/ be intimate if i don’t feel great. and that doesn’t necessarily mean i am insecure. it’s an emotion too.

    it’s like i feel bloated
    or lethargic
    or tired
    or constipated
    or i actually don’t feel very secure with my body today
    or i just don’t want to

    all valid reasons to turn down sex & if you’re not feeling it regardless of the reason you absolutely are allowed to say no without any explanation

15. In my head? Thousands of time.

    In real world? I never got to that part.

16. Yes

17. Yes

18. Yesssss. I have.

19. i say these characters are relatable though. Even just a thought of unattractiveness or undesirable can make sex so much less enjoyable, with people you love. When i don’t care about that person, i just aim for pleasure. But when i’m, or you’re in love, and you’re with your partner, full of vulnerability, and insecurity, looking at yourself at the depth of nakedness and exposure, you’re not just living it for pleasure, you need more………. a lot more than just pure pleasure

20. Absolutely. I get extreme bloating when I eat and also with hormone changes. I struggle with insecurities even on my skinny days. I cant have fun if all im thinking about is how fat i must look and trying to move/lay in a flattering way.

21. No

22. I’ve had partners keep their shirt on for this reason.

23. I have. Ironically, I felt the biggest when I was actually much smaller than I am now, and I know there’s no rule that says you have to be under a certain age to have lost your virginity as an adult, but poor body image is the reason I waited until I was 23 to lose mine (which is a lot older than my peers and friends were).
    Body dysmorphia took a very long time and a lot of therapy for me to deal with and unlearn, and I still have days once in a while when my hormonal bloating gets bad where I can’t bear to face the mirror. I personally chose to begin taking better care of myself and my body by eating better and working out, and that has helped a lot too, but I do want to say that I believe EVERYONE’S body, regardless of size or ability, is worthy of love and intimacy. I wish I had known that when I was young, but I’m glad I was able to make some sort of peace with it now in my 30’s at least.

24. I have LOL, sometimes if I felt bloated I would leave my shirt on and say oh no don’t take it off I feel fat today or I don’t feel “pretty” right now. If I don’t feel attractive it’s all i’ll end up thinking about so either I keep my shirt on and your willy won’t be getting wet

25. I havent but its not a crazy concept. Many women deal with bloating during their period and may “feel fat” amongst other hormonal emotions so I can see this happening

26. You’ll see a pretty clear demarcation between men and women in the responses. It’s quite common with women, men, not so much.

    Personally, if a woman says yes, that’s all the validation I need to perform. If my body is good enough for her, no need to question it at all.

27. totally. i’m in a committed relationship and there have been times when i couldn’t even get in the mood because of how fat i am/felt. definitely a thing and it’s a *terrible* thing at that

28. It’s not uncommon for people with body image issues to not want to have sex.

    I have never felt bad about my body to that level but it’s not something unheard of

29. For a year I refused to date because i didn’t feel good about myself.

30. Yep I’ve not wanted sex because “I’m feeling fat” and what I mean by that is feeling bloated and digestively uncomfortable. I love my body and it’s not appearance related it just not feeling good. The idea of something poking around in there does not appeal in the slightest!