I (23F) have been seeing a guy for a short time. Before anything happened, he had a massive crush on me for about three months everyone knew it. He was clearly very into me, trying a lot, and once we finally started kissing and dating, things seemed to be going well.
After we kissed for the first time, I noticed he wasn’t putting in any more efforts like he wasn’t asking me on date and it was always me initiating and inviting him to things.
And every time we kissed it was because my friend was there to push things to happen otherwise he would never initiate it on his own.
His lack of effort is always in the back of my mind but I was like maybe I’m overreacting so last night
i invited him to come out with my friends to a club. He came, but the entire night he didn’t kiss me, touch me, or show any affection at all. I tried to stay cool about it, but internally I was getting more and more annoyed and hurt. It honestly made no sense to me how someone who’s liked me that much could suddenly act so distant.
I asked him why aren’t you making any moves, and he was avoiding the question and not answering, and I tried taking his hands to dance with him but he wasn’t initiating anything or trying anything with me and it genuinely felt like he didndt want anything with me, I ask him what’s up and even my friends do but no answer.
At some point I lose hope and I get really annoyed that he wasn’t communicating a word with me during the whole night and wasn’t making an ounce of effort of reassurance while I was asking him multiple times.
At some point I left the group. While I was gone, I kissed someone else. One of my friends saw it and told him. After that, he became very quiet, stopped dancing, and looked sad.
Later when it was just the two of us, I asked if he was okay he said yes (clearly not). He then asked if I was really with another guy, I said yes, and he said “yeah it’s okay” (again, didn’t feel true).
I asked him why he hadn’t made any move earlier. He said “I don’t know” a few times, then added that he’s not at his best lately, feels depressed because he hasn’t found an internship yet, and isn’t in a great mental space. I didn’t really know what to say in that moment, so I went quiet.
At some point he was looking for an Uber, and I was so fed up that I just told him: “Okay, we’re leaving. I hope you find an Uber. Good night.” I kissed him on the cheek goodbye and left. It wasn’t done in a good or warm way it was clearly cold.
Now I’m really confused. I feel like I reacted badly and probably hurt him, especially since he did open up about being depressed. But at the same time, I don’t understand how someone can like me that much, finally start dating me, and then show absolutely zero affection all night especially in a setting like a club.
Is this just bad communication on both sides? Did I overreact? Or is this a sign we’re emotionally mismatched?