So my bf 25M and me 26F have been dating since 2016 now. While I like him, something in me makes me feel uncomfortable to think of myself calling him my husband or fiancé.
It might just be because I’m emotionally avoidant and don’t really think about the future with someone because it feels really taxing to think about how much a wedding would cost etc. but more than that, I am not sure what this feeling is inside me that is telling me to AVOID. Anxiety perhaps?
Our anniversary is next week and like always he hasn’t really mentioned it or even said what he wants to do. Maybe I can’t imagine the rest of my life with someone who’s super self conceited and emotionally immature. I was excited for it but then I thought I’m the only one that really brings it up or plans something so I don’t know if I care anymore.
We haven’t really travelled anywhere too since he isn’t allowed to with me. He says he is ready to be engaged this year since he has his dream job but I don’t really believe in what he says. I think because he sees the people around him be in long term relationships he kind of wants to take that next step with me as I’m not sure why else he would want to do that. He isn’t really reassuring and doesn’t talk about his feelings towards me other than wanting to start a family. Which is a bit of a boring reason if you ask me.
I told him I’m not ready and it’s not all about the money for me. Firstly I don’t have my dream job, I haven’t travelled anywhere (He’s travelled a lot with his friends) and I will be moving out of my home at the end of the year. I feel like I should be happy that he wants to get engaged to me but I just don’t really believe he does and I don’t get why. I feel like even if I had all these things that I’m aspiring for, a part of me still wouldn’t be ready and just not really get the purpose of being married to him.
Has anyone felt this way? All my friends are getting engaged, while a part of me feels left out I don’t feel like I’m at that point yet. I don’t think I can even afford it. Frankly I’m more excited about going on a solo trip somewhere or getting my dream job.
People always say things like “10 years and no ring? I could never…” it’s pretty condescending and I feel like my married friends and I have basically nothing in common anymore. I’m ethnic too but my parents have never put pressure on me to get engaged.
Overall I feel down and very behind in life and it’s kinda like I don’t even want to match the part that is going “good” with other people which is my relationship.
Any advice?