My (38F) husband (48M) and I have been together for almost 8 years. During those 8 years, every month or two (sometimes more time, sometimes less) he has a day where he gets prescription stimulants (vivanz) or cocaine (less recently) and goes completely non-responsive until I go and find him and intervene or he runs out.
We own multiple properties so he always has somewhere he can go to be undisturbed, and plenty of friends with access to the drugs. Sometimes I'm able to confirm his location with our security cameras other times I'm not.
Everytime, he is ashamed and apologetic when he comes down and talks about how it won't happen again. I don't believe him anymore but I don't know how to help him either.
Until we were married I just chalked it up to a bad habit he just didn't want to give up, but we now have a baby. He was high the night I gave birth and wasn't home when my water broke. He got high while I was on a business trip and he was responsible for our baby. (I was able to get my sister to help out in that scenario,
It's clear now to me that this is truly an addiction, but I don't know where to start to get him help. I haven't told anyone (his family, my family, friends) about the problem because I didn't want to hurt his reputation, but it means I'm shouldering the burden of an unreliable partner alone.
I've struggled because it's just infrequent and unpredictable enough, and he's a good responsible person when he isn't high. It never felt "serious" enough to leave him over, or threaten to, or take other extraordinary measures. I worry that if I don't he won't have any motivation to change.
TL;DR I don't know where to start to get support for myself and my husband for an infrequent but serious addiction problem.