This happened over 10 years ago, but it still sits heavy with me today and I still wonder what I could of done differently to still have him with me today.
We met at a local soup kitchen thing that the entire town was welcomed to every Wednesday. He only came every few months, but over a long time we kept taking interest in eachother for being part of the handful of alt people in our tiny no where town of about 800 people. Eventually we finally spoke to eachother, became friends and eventually got together. We were bestest friend ever and had a special connection I still haven’t had with anyone else since.
Our relationship was a very happy one. We both came from abusive families who we were both still living with. We were able to get away from our families together as often as he was able to come to town. He actually lived across the lake and had very few opportunities to come to town. It felt so good to be so close to someone. I had friends, but none that I was this close with. We shared very similar opinions, grew up in similar places, took interest in the same movies and videos, shared a subculture and the list goes on. Sometimes we would spend multiple days together, camping out in the forest with just some blankets, anything to make our time together a little longer and to avoid going home to abuse. We really felt like we were exactly who we needed for eachother, we had such a strong connection and he treated me right.
One day, a day after we had spent time together, he didn’t reply to my messages. Not out of the unusual because sometimes his family would disallow him electricity use to charge his phone, forbid him from using his phone or even take his phone. But then a week went by, this is when i started to worry. Was he ok? Did his family get more strict? Was he dead!? I messaged and called him multiple times per day, nothing.
Weeks went by, I became more anxious and depressed than usual, imagining the worst. A little after a month of silence I finally heard back from him “hey baby”. I started questioning him immediately, like was he hurt, did his family to anything to him, what I feel are normal things to worry about given his family’s history. He said “no I’m fine.” So i asked why haven’t you replied to my messages? Did they come through? He said “i got your messages, I’m just busy looking for a job”. I got upset at this point and said “you really didn’t have time to just let me know you were ok?” And he got angry. “I’v been putting all this work in to find a job so I could get a place for the two of us to get a place and live together away from our families.” I made the point again that he couldn’t of spared 30 seconds to let me know he was safe and give me a little update all this time??? He told me I was being ungrateful for what he was doing for us, so I broke up with him cause he worried be literally sick for a month and couldn’t be bothered to send a little message. I couldn’t go through that kind of experience again and he knew I had a past boyfriend kill themselves.
He did end up securing a job and home a couple weeks later, I can’t help but think how much easier my life would of been if i was able to escape from my family then instead of being stuck living with them for many years after that like I did. I wonder if we would still be together now. He had some of my favourite clothes i let him borrow, clothes my gramma had made before she passed. The last day we were together we got drenched in the rain, so I let him burrow them and he promised to bring them back next time. I asked him to return my things after we broke up, but he never did and I never heard from him again. Iv had multiple friends reach out to him and his cousin that hes been dating for quite a few years now, asking if they could get my stuff back for me, they blocked everyone, even their other cousins who I’m still friends with today.
Is there anything I could of done differently? Maybe i should of been more understanding and patient. I’m happy that I live in a house full of my best friends, but I still mourn the thought that he could if been here with me today and my friends cause our relationship really was perfect aside from that one incident. Obviously getting back together or resolving anything is a lost cause, this was so long. I guess I’m more-so looking for comfort in my decision at that time or to be told I could of acted differently and apply that knowledge to any future relationships.