My husband (40M) and I (35F) each keep an ongoing gift registry for birthdays and holidays. The lists include a wide range of price points so there are options regardless of budget, and the goal is simply to make gifting easier and avoid receiving things we won’t use. Both sides of our family are aware of the lists and ask us for the links, especially around the holidays.
Despite this, my husband’s family consistently buys gifts that are not on the lists. It’s usually several lower-cost surprise, even though there are items on each list well within/below what they typically spend. We understand this comes from a generous and well-intentioned place, but most of these gifts don’t fit our needs or preferences and end up being stored or donated, which feels wasteful on several counts.
Another complication is that these surprise gifts are rarely accompanied by gift receipts. When something doesn’t fit or work for us, asking for receipts becomes awkward and often time-consuming requiring multiple follow-ups.
We’re not trying to be ungrateful or controlling. We would genuinely prefer just one item from our lists over multiple surprises, even if that means fewer gifts overall. The lists exist specifically to avoid this situation and to make gifting easier for everyone.
We’re trying to figure out how to address this directly and kindly with my husband’s family. What is a reasonable, respectful way to communicate that we would prefer gifts come from our lists and that even just one item from the list is better for us than multiple surprises, without damaging the relationship or coming across as ungrateful?
TL;DR: My in-laws ask for our gift lists but still buy off-list surprise gifts we don’t want or use. We want advice on how we can set a clear but polite boundary about sticking to the lists.