If anyone has the time and wisdom to read this and help me, please do, I don’t have any real role models in my life and just need advice. I apologize if it’s long.
For context, im [20F] and have been in a relationship for almost a year with a man who clearly puts the effort, time, and passion to be with me. I had a really rough upbringing growing up with my family, so I’ve become a pretty ambitious and independent girl as a result. I bought my own car, became valedictorian, attend a highly ranked university, and temporarily moved out of my house senior year of high school. My family has always been my greatest stressor and is mostly the reason why I am the way I am. They abandoned me when I was in a life threatening battle with an illness and hold a lot of resentment because of it. I hit rock bottom and learned so much about myself because of it. I truly do feel that I’ve become a very good person because of all of this. My moments with them are the worst I’ve had in my life, but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them. I say this to give context of who I am. I feel very in touch with myself and feel emotions deeply.
Almost a year ago, I met a guy through my work. I was single and my boss set me up with his friends son because he couldn’t believe I didn’t have a boyfriend. I thought he was cute at the time and we started talking. Immediately, I knew it didn’t feel right once we started talking. He icked me out a lot and was just cringey in general, he lacked social cues. I continued talking to him because I figured he was just nervous and didn’t want to get the wrong impression of him. We went on a lot of dates and got to know each other really well. I feel like I know almost everything about him and he could say the same for me. He would bring me flowers, drive to my house at 12am to give me food since we didn’t have any at home, offer me all the comfort I could possibly need, and really showed me what stability and peace felt like. We come from very different backgrounds, he’s an only child with amazing parents and are financially stable and i come from the complete opposite. We do have similar cultures which I do love though. His family really cared for me which meant so much to me given how that’s what I yearned for. He is pretty dependent on them and still lacks social cues which can be a turnoff sometimes but nobody’s perfect and I know that.
During the summer I told him I was going to solo backpack because it was a promise I had for myself before going to college. I felt that it would be a gift to myself for surviving my teen years. He wanted to join, which I obviously didn’t take him seriously for because it was last minute, but he was serious, so we travelled together before college. He’s an out of state student in Virginia while I’m a student in Massachusetts, so we’re long distance but I don’t feel like that impacts us much. We both out in the effort for it and it works out well. I’ve mentioned my concerns of not knowing how I feel yet but we talk it out and continue on. I’m concerned because I feel like he is my best friend, but not my partner. Something is just not right and it bothers me so much, I just can’t let it go. I’ve thought about it constantly and I just don’t know what to do. It doesn’t feel right but I’m constantly told to give it time and how evil the men are, which obviously scares me. Love isn’t guaranteed, which is such a hard pill to swallow. Do I want to risk losing something that has brought me the stability and comfort I’ve searched for even though my heart doesn’t feel in it? Or do I want to find that person that makes me feel what it means to love someone? My heart wants the second option, but as a logical person I wonder if thats even possible given i dont know anyone who’s in a relationship i want. Not sure if this is relevant, but I did have a boyfriend about a year before him. He also treated me really well and fought for me hard, but I just knew that I couldn’t see a future with him. I’m lucky to have pretty good experiences with men, so I wonder if having more experience would make me more grateful for what I have. I honestly just wish I met him later in life, maybe then I’d understand what I should do. I feel like I need more experience to understand what is right, but I also feel like I don’t need experience to know if I’m in love, you know?
I want to feel genuinely in love with someone but am scared that giving it time won’t bring me that feeling with him. I truly love him as a person, but I feel like I shouldn’t be feeling this doubtful for this long.
So sorry how long this is, I just need help.
TLDR, I need advice on if I should stay with a guy who treats me unbelievably well even if I don’t feel passionate and long fulfillment.