I think I need some advice.
I (26F) met this guy (22M) last July at the restaurant he worked at. While I ate and after he got off the clock we talked, just normal pleasant conversation. I told him I was going back home in 5 days for summer for about 2 months and after that he asked me out. At this point I thought he wanted to go out and have a good time after, to which I was not opposed at all.
We ended up spending a 10h day together at the river and the little village right next to it and, once we were on the way back, dropping me off, I asked if he wanted to stay for dinner, to which he declined saying that he was feeling a bit tired. I genuinely had a great time with him. For the rest of the time I had before I left, we kept going out (mostly he was the one inviting me out), but nothing physical ever happened, not even a kiss. What had started for me as a possible fun time, turned out to be great company and someone I would like to get to know better.
I left, because I had to, and we kept in touch for a bit after I arrived home. Eventually he stopped replying, which I didn’t really like, but also understood that we had met 5 days before I had left and maybe he was only looking for some entertainment while I was in the city. Once I returned, I reached out saying that if he wanted to meet, he could let me know.
We went right back to talking and going out again. Nothing more than a literal cuddle happened, so I thought he wanted to take things slow, and I was totally okay with that. We did have a bit of a language barrier since I speak a bit of his mother tongue but not fluently and he doesn’t speak any other language, but I was okay with that. It was good practice for me, and he simplified his speech so I could understand everything. What couldn’t be explained could be translated anyway with our phones.
After a bit more than a month of going out he stood me up. I thought he might be late, or something might have happened, so I texted him and got no reply. The next day, feeling sad, hurt and mad I texted him again (a bit in a passive-aggressive way I do have to confess) and still got no reply.
One month goes by without any contact and then one day at 6am he calls me (to which I don’t answer because I’m sleeping) and texts me asking if I could please call him the next day. I think something bad has happened but I am not ready to hear his voice so I text back asking what’s wrong and, surprise, get no reply to that.
Two weeks after this, he calls me again at 6am, and texts me saying that he thinks he owes me some explanations. And I go off, because I cannot believe his audacity! I tell him that he owed me some explanations a month and a half ago and basically how hurt and pissed I was with him, I also tell him that if it had been a game for him, it sure had not been a game for me. I was not expecting a reply, but, alas, I got one. Long story short, he apologizes for his behaviour and for hurting me, that he knew he was immature and in the wrong, and that while appreciating me replying, understood if I didn’t want to have contact with him. He further said that he had run away because he got scared. That his feeling for me had grown more than he expected and faster too and he panicked.
We ended up having a phone call, because I didn’t know if what he was writing was even true, or just a prank. And at least it could give me some closure to get some answers to the questions that I had about what had happened. The call ended up being very cathartic, for me at least, and it did help with a lot of the running questions and doubts about my part in his disappearing act. He ended up confessing that he still liked me a lot and, and he understood if I didn’t want to have him in my life. I told him I liked him but was hurt and didn’t know what to do and he said that he didn’t know at what speed he could take things, because he was still working on understanding that part of himself.
Since I was leaving for Christmas break, I told him we could both use that time to reflect and think about what we wanted and what we could give, and that we could talk in January. I asked him if, at any point he decided he didn’t want to see me in January or something, he would tell me, instead of disappearing again. He agreed and suggested we talk face to face once I returned. Over the break we kept in very light touch, mostly about how Christmas was going.
Once I came back, I asked if he would like to meet me and what his availability was. He stopped replying.
I thought something was going on (he said some hard things were going on in his personal life during our call) so I reached out to check if he needed something and to say that I didn’t mean to put pressure on him if there was indeed something going on. He said that he was doing okay not, at least better than before, and that he was trying not to get all up in his head, and I was making him think a lot, but in a good way. He also said he would like to meet this week and that it would be good for him too. I asked when he was free and gave my availability and he has not said anything in almost 2 days.
I feel stupid for re-opening a wound that, although not fully closed, at least was not bleeding anymore. I don’t expect us to jump into anything right away, I would just like to know if we are on the same page, because I think we both need to work on this if we want to make something of it.
I don’t know what to do… I really like him, which might be stupid given all that has happened, but I love spending time with him. I don’t know if he is just playing with me or not? I know I have a bit of an anxious attachment style, but with his track record, I get triggered when he stops replying out of nowhere because I think he is going to disappear once again.
Am I going crazy? Am I being a stupid foolish girl??