I (28F) broke up with my boyfriend (28M) last summer after about a year together. We met while living in a large city. He plans to move back to his rural hometown to take over his family’s business. Recently, we’ve started seeing each other again, though we’re still technically broken up. He strongly hints that he wants me to move with him & get married.
I always knew returning home was something he wanted, but he also has a successful career in the city and previously talked about staying there. One day he decided he was moving back and asked me to go with him. I seriously considered it, but I left a small town for a reason and don’t see myself happily living in one again. I value city life—things to do, people to meet, and easy airport access.
We tried to compromise, but it often felt one-sided. For example, he agreed to live about an hour from his hometown, but only for a few years before expecting me to move into the small town permanently.
That being said he is very generous, offered to move my parents down (not happening lol), will build us a house with any features I want, pay for me to travel home whenever I want, buy me a brand new car etc.
My concerns:
• I’d be farther from my own family (currently an 8-hour drive; would become 10).
• Very limited opportunity to build my own social circle especially with similar political views
• Cultural differences with his family (immigrant parents with traditional values).
• He has a sibling with special needs who may require care, which I’m not willing to take on.
• Rural isolation and being far from an airport (closest is \~2 hours away).
The positives:
• His family business is very successful. Financial security and travel would be easy.
• Money matters to me, and this lifestyle is very appealing.
• We get along exceptionally well, travel well together, and resolve conflict calmly.
• He’s generous and provides for me.
• My family thinks he’s a great match.
Reconnecting has made me realize how much I care about him. I love him—but I fear that if I say no, I won’t find another partner I connect with this well. At the same time, I worry I’d be sacrificing too much of myself
And honestly—the money makes this incredibly hard. It feels like a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for comfort and security.
Am I making a mistake in saying no tho this potential future? (Money, a good compatible partner)
How do I know I am not making a mistake? How do I get over the fear I won’t find someone better? Should I further consider his offer to move with him?
TL;DR: Ex wants me to move to his rural hometown, marry him, and join his very wealthy family business. He’s a great partner and offers financial security, but I don’t want small-town life and worry I’d lose myself. I love him and fear I won’t find someone better—am I making a mistake by saying no?