I’m a man (29M) in A YEAR LONG relationship with my girlfriend (25F) living in Oregon. We met during a work trip to Florida. I love her deeply, and when things are good, they’re really good..affectionate, playful, loving, and close. I genuinely see a future with her.
The problem is how conflict plays out.
Small misunderstandings often escalate quickly. During arguments, she’ll say things like she’s tired of fighting, that she can spend the rest of her life arguing with me, or imply that she might leave. Sometimes she shuts down or goes quiet. Other times she says she doesn’t feel safe talking to me anymore.
Later on, she usually comes back, says she misses me, and we make up. Things return to being warm and loving again.
But this cycle keeps repeating, and it’s wearing me down.
I feel anxious and on edge, like one small mistake could push her away. Even when things are calm, I’m constantly bracing myself for the next conflict. I try to apologise, reassure her, slow myself down, and improve where I can — I genuinely want to be a better partner for her.
What I want is a relationship where conflict doesn’t immediately turn into threats of leaving, and where both of us can feel secure even when things are hard.
My questions are:
• How do I address this pattern without making her feel like I’m giving up on her?
I don’t want to leave her but I also don’t know how to keep living with this constant fear of losing her.
TL;DR:
I love my girlfriend, but during conflicts she often escalates quickly and talks about leaving. Even though we usually make up later, the cycle makes me anxious and exhausted. I want advice on how to stop this pattern and build a more secure relationship.