Hi everyone! Created a throwaway account because i’m not ready for all my friends to know about this. My wife and I have been together for 3.5 years now (1 year married). I love her very much (can see her and I being together until we’re old) and we have a lot of playful touch and cuddling, but we have gone from completing the deed 2x a week minimum to around 1x a month (2 if i’m lucky) since we’ve married.
As someone with a high drive, i’m really starting to struggle and she has turned down all my advances for the last 4 months and have kinda given up. What can I do to try and revive our intimacy a bit?
I have told her this is a long-term divorce worthy issue at the beginning of our relationship and we both affirmed the belief recently as well.
-Already tried foot rubs/massages, completing more chores, and being more to hanging out with in-laws to be more intimate and not much has changed.
-I have no reason to think she’s cheating, she’s works fully remote and only goes out with her girls every few months to party.
Any advice or suggestions is GREATLY appreciated! Sorry my brain is very scattered right now!
Edit 1:
No kids are in this little part of our family and we agreed that 30 is probably a good time to start (her recommendation)
Edit 2:
I do see a couple more comments I want to address, but I will having a conversation with her later this week.
Chores: We split 50/50 and recently it’s been closer to 65/35 because i’ve been trying to put more effort in. Honestly this has actually made me a little resentful because she doesn’t notice it most of the time but i still love her.
My advances: I try to do it as respectful as possible, and straight up asking her if she would be open to the idea of me coming on to her before I ever touch her seriously (i.e i’ll ask her at dinner if she’s open to the idea some time after we finish eating) This is kinda how we’ve always done it and how she said she likes it done, with the occasional just surprise times.
Affection: I show her affection with regular “i love you”s with normal hugs and kisses as her love language is touch and words of affirmation, with foot rubs being her fav
I do plan on bringing up some counseling if that conversation does not come off as productive or constructive for us.
UPDATE:
I was able to sit her down tonight have the conversation, the conclusion that came out of it was that she hadn’t realized how poor our sex life had been recently because we have been fulfilling intimacy in a different way. She apologized for it because she feels like whenever something happens, whether work or personal life, i’m the first person she starts to neglect unintentionally (not great to hear). We agreed that if it doesn’t improve in 2 months (6 months since it had started to noticeable affect me), we will seek out counseling and go from there.
THANK YOU EVERYONE!