23M – 1 Month is only left before I marry my partner (23F), but I have almost lost connection to her (sexually).
Hi guys, first and foremost, I apologize for how my english sounds but here it comes.
I'm in a relationship with this girl, (23F), Actually she's one of my childhood friends and we've known each other for almost 2 decades now. A short and quick backstory we've been in the same school for high school and developed a special relationship or connection around 10th grade and officially on relationship the next year. Went through college together and we hadn't had sex yet until entering the 4th year of our relationship. The usual romantic stuff happens around this year, intercourse, foreplay, orals, and sneaky stuff (you know what the early 20's enjoyed) we enjoyed it together. Till' about the near end of our 5th and early 6th year of our relationship she changed, she suddenly didn't want to do orals no more, that was the first, then next the kissing, she don't want either, what I mean is we do that super rarely though still having sexual intercourse and stuff, nevertheless I still went on and proposed to her as I love her this much, but nowadays I think I'm already frustrated, we rarely do really have sex, about 2-3 times a month, when I kiss her she falls away, and all of those "promises to have it this night" after a day of "following everything she wanted me to do" and pushing more to satisfy her, feeling her wanted, being sweet to her, ends up to this "I'm already sleepy nights".
Now we are about a month ahead from our wedding day schedule, if you guys ask if we talked about this, then yes, I admitted to her that my libido is higher than hers, and she even jokes about me not being able to live without it.
Oh December? We had it once and she wanted me to do it fast because apparently it hurts even though she initially said that she wanted it this night, done all the things right for her, (even researched on this) foreplay, slowly pacing it, orals, and all the sweet genuine talk. ending up finishing on my hand because she don't want it no more.
I'm so sorry for the english guys, core thought "I'm frustrated" at the same time afraid that I would have to endure this the rest of our marriage. I don't want to end up finding this intimacy to other women. I really just cant understand everything now.
What must I do?
TL;DR: I (23M) and my fiancé (23F) have been in a relationship for nearly 6 years, and I've noticed a significant decline in our sexual intimacy—rarely having sex and minimal kissing, despite previously enjoying a fulfilling physical relationship. We've talked about it, and she acknowledges my higher libido but often dismisses my needs, leaving me frustrated. With only a month until our wedding, I’m worried about our sexual compatibility and the possibility of feeling unsatisfied in my marriage. What should I do?
7 comments
She’s not in this anymore. Don’t marry someone you have no physical connections with unless you’re magically turning asexual in the next month.
Imagine being at the altar and you kiss her with love and she gives you a peck and grimaces. Is that the happiest day of your life?
Well, don’t get married. Marriage does not solve relationship problems, it only makes it harder to leave a relationship when you can’t solve your problems.
Postpone the wedding and go to couples counseling and make sure you are both happy and ready to get married before getting married.
She says it hurts? If so, she should be talking her OB/GYN or doctor, as there are treatments for this. If you marry her, and this continues, then the relationship will probably burn out. Avoiding an issue won’t make it go away, resentment will build up on both sides.
At the very least, you may need to put a pause on the wedding to get some counselling and for her to address the pain issue.
imo stop and talk about it. 23 is a little early to get married. not to say it can’t work, but slightly higher chance of her wanting to see more of the world (i.e. other guys). could mean she’s not 1000% on board with you for the rest of her life. in which case you really should pause and work through it.
you should both be really psyched and in love i think. and getting married might add “wifely responsibility” pressure on TOP of sex which is already isn’t happening much, meaning it might happen even less
all that said, there could be very valid reasons she isn’t intimate. maybe its you, maybe she’s signaled things to you and its bothering her. but either way you should work through it first
r/DeadBedrooms
Don’t get married until you sort this out. If you feel frustrated before the wedding, imagine how 20 years of this feels.
If sex is painful for her, she is either not into it or has some kind of problem she needs to talk to her gyno about. By the repulsed reaction, I’d say it’s either the former or both. I’d have a hard time getting off knowing my partner doesn’t want it and is only doing it to get it over with.
You need to be *honest* with her. Even if it hurts her feelings. Because if you are doomed to break up it’s best to do it before marriage. She’s not taking things seriously because her needs are being met, but this relationship won’t last if yours aren’t as well.
Let her know you aren’t happy. You’ve tried everything you can think of to bring the two of you into sexual compatibility, and it hasn’t worked, and you are now out of ideas so the ball is in her court. You are putting the marriage on hold because it makes no sense for incompatible people to get married.
Do this today. It will only get harder the closer you get to the wedding date.
She wants you to think of her as someone that would have sex with you. She just doesn’t want to actually be someone that has sex with you. This will get so much worse shortly after you get married. If you’re looking for a partner that wants a physical relationship, you’ll have to look somewhere else. It’s not your fiancé.
If you don’t believe it, marry her and find out. When you express your frustration and she makes you out to be the bad guy, you’ll understand.