I (19M) have been best friends with a woman (19F) for four years. Eight months ago, she confessed that she has romantic feelings for me. Before this, I had never been interested in being in a relationship with anyone, but I knew in that moment, that if I ever did date someone. id want it to be her.
When she confessed, I was honest and told her that I cared deeply about her but needed time to understand whether my feelings were romantic or strictly platonic. I explained that this might take a while, and she agreed. I also suggested we should start going on dates, for me to maybe get an accurate feel about how I feel about her. Since then, we had been going on regular dates and spending more intentional time together. We’ve also become physically affectionate (holding hands, hugging, cuddling, and kissing on the cheek).
All were first initiated by her. Since, I was always scared to. But, I had started initiating some myself (holding hands, hugging, cuddling). She's a very affectionate person. Even though, shes very aware we're just friends right now. But, I like it. I just dont know if the way im showing her affection is the same way i would a sister/friend. Because, we would hug before, and she would lay her head on my shoulder when we were just friends.
I enjoy being close to her, and over time I’ve started seeing her as more than just a friend. However, I still struggle to clearly identify whether what I’m feeling is romantic love or a very deep friendship. I’m autistic and have no prior relationship experience, which makes it hard for me to recognize and label my emotions with confidence.
My concern is that it’s been eight months, and I can tell she’s starting to feel impatient, which I understand. But, I just dont want to rush into a relationship unless I’m sure, but I also don’t want to hurt her by keeping her waiting indefinitely.
My specific questions are:
1. How can I tell the difference between romantic attraction and deep platonic love when I lack relationship experience?
2. Is there a reasonable way to ask for more time without being unfair to her?
3. At what point does continuing this “dating but undecided” phase become unkind to the other person?
I want to give her a clear answer soon and make sure I’m being respectful of both her feelings and my own.
TL;DR: My best friend (19F) confessed feelings for me (19M) 8 months ago. I asked for time to understand whether my feelings are romantic or platonic, and we’ve been going on dates since. I’m autistic and have no relationship experience, so I struggle to identify my feelings. I care about her but still feel unsure, and I’m worried about keeping her waiting too long.