I am looking for advice on how best to support my friend who is a victim of severe domestic violence/ coercive control. I will preface this by saying that she was in a different abusive relationship for around 10 years and has struggled with coming to terms that it is happening again, and has a lot of shame/ embarrassment about it not working this time (eg having to tell her parents).
My friend (citizen in England) met a partner and soon fell pregnant with his child, so the relationship was in the early stages when they moved in together etc. During the first pregnancy, she made me aware of a few ‘unkind’ things that he said and did. Fast forward to this summer (2025), she has two children to this man (both aged under 5 years), and they reside together and she made me aware that she is living in extreme abuse and was planning to leave him, she owns her home mortgage free and he is not on the deeds, they are not married. Her plan was to purchase another home without telling him but due to long term heath issues, she is unable to secure a mortgage for another property (which would now be needed due to change in property values). Since then, I have barely heard from her and she has been incredibly difficult to contact, since October there has been silence. Over the last two weeks I have been calling and texting daily (we live a long way apart) and have desperately asked her to please let me know that she is ok. This is my absolute best friend and she would never not respond to me over Xmas/ not wish HNY etc and so I just know something is wrong, I have such a strong feeling in my gut.
We used to see eachother very frequently, and spoke on the phone most days, but the last few years since she lived with her partner I have seen her once and she was terrified about getting back to him on time. Every time I try to see her, there is an excuse – she even missed my wedding/ being my bridesmaid – I 1000% know this is because of his control. As a note, as well as the physical health issues and two young children, as well as being a previous abuse survivor, my friend does also have a documented history of mental health issues – I mention this in case it would somehow help me to access support for her as she is very vulnerable?
She is terrified of the police and in my most recent message I acknowledge that but told her I will be left with no choice as at this point I am GENUINELY frightened for her life. In summary, I am looking for advice about the best way to:
1. Overall deal with this situation
2. Check my friend is alive and ok when I cannot physically get to her
3. Support her and try to keep her safe
P.S – of course I have assured her I love her and will always open up my home etc to provide an escape from this hellish situation.
Thank you for all responses to this very delicate situation.