Basically my partner and I have been sexually active for 7 months (pretty much our whole relationship) for a while we both struggled with being each others first sexual partners (neither of us were virgins but we never had really explored or tried to enjoy sex) and past sexual trauma. After a while we got to a point where neither of us struggle to orgasm anymore or enjoy it however we still both need a lot of foreplay(atleast an hour maybe more) in order to be in the mood (we both have anxiety among other issues) we are both very busy working multiple jobs and in school and as such our sex life is very minimal (only 2-3 times a month max) to supplement this my partner suggests that we buy a vibrator to use during foreplay, that way she could focus more of her attention on making me ready as it’s normally pretty one sided in her favour and we could save time and be able to have sex more often. My issue is that I am very insecure about this for two reasons. First more of a mental block is I feel like using a vibrator is like introducing something foreign, we both value the natural and emotional aspect of sex and adding a something else feels like it’s somebody else getting her off and not me. Second I know I can’t compete with a vibrator, I can never be that fast or consistent with my tongue or fingers as long as needed and I worry that she will just prefer that to any involvement from me, I get a lot of pleasure seeing her enjoy my body and the thought of her getting it elsewhere turns me off.
I’ve tried communicating this but she tells me she wants us both to be able to climax and she doesn’t blame me that we cannot mutually climax (I usually either hold it and don’t finish or I finish before her) I’m just very insecure, if anyone has some story about how these benefitted their sex life or if they have some alternative for me to better meet her needs.