Mature women; what mistake did you make in life? Share it so other women won’t have to make the same
January 7, 2026
Mature women; what mistake did you make in life? Share it so other women won’t have to make the same
40 comments
I allowed too many people to push past my boundaries. I was uncomfortable to speak up; I was also afraid of retaliation.
Now, I no longer remain silent when I’m in these sorts of situations. I speak my mind, and I defend myself (and my friends) always.
Career is more important than love nowadays!
A degree will never hurt u.
I spent my decades in long term relationships with men who didn’t truly love me. Know your worth and don’t settle for less because you deserve to be loved unconditionally.
If he truly wants to, he will find a way. If he does not want to, he will find excuses.
Learn to live without regrets. There is hope every single day to improve but looking backwards doesn’t give you anything but sadness. Keep your eyes forward.
Love isnt enough, you need real compatibility too. And not just on most of the important things, on ALL the important things. It doesn’t go away, you cant get around it, you just kick it further and further down the road, where it will continue to pop up forever. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, incompatibilities will catch up to you.
Also be aware of the risk of wasting time with someone you know isnt right for you. When we’re young we dont care that we wasted a year or two on a guy we knew it wouldn’t work out with, it was fun. When you’re older, you look back and wish you hadn’t allowed so much mental and emotional energy to be wasted.
I used to sacrifice my own comfort for the comfort of those around me. In the end no one truly appreciated it. When people get used to taking without giving anything back they start to believe it’s their right. If I could go back in time I would put my own well-being first then everyone else.
Waiting too long to do all the traveling I wanted to do. No guarantees your husband will be healthy enough to travel overseas.
Getting married out of pressure because I got pregnant. I thought it was the “right thing to do,” but we weren’t emotionally ready or compatible. It ended in divorce. I learned that big life decisions should come from clarity, not fear.
I was afraid of my mistakes, judged myself. Now I realise, who gives a fuck and they made me who I am today
I married my college sweetheart. Which wasn’t a mistake. The mistake was staying with him “for the kids”, when we should have gotten a divorce.
Don’t promise a guy you’ll be with him forever. It makes it that much harder to leave when you outgrow him.
Not living for myself
Centering my life around men/relationships. Took me until I was in my late 30s to fall in love with myself and realize life is so much easier without a man almost always.
The phrase “life is short” can stir anxiety; just remember that it is said to remind us to enjoy the little things, to connect with people, and to cut out things in life that bring you down. Its NOT meant to make you think the world is ending or that you have a million milestones you have to meet before certain ages. Life is LONG in that sense. 70ish years if living is sooooo long. Have kids in your 30s, its not too late. Switch careers in your 30s, switch again in your 40s, who cares! Eat the pizza, you wont die. Go on a walk, mobility will be your best friend. Break up with bad boyfriends, who cares if you have been together for a decade, a bad boyfriend is a bad boyfriend. Timelines are arbitrary and stupid. Do what makes you feel good. Because feeling bad for 70ish years is a hell of a way to live.
Listen to my inner voice!! I didn’t change my career path in college when I had the chance. I went to a school far away that cost allot of money so i could study a really specific major. I realized I didn’t like it because I hated every single one of my major specific classes. I was disheartened by my classmates and worked in the field and realized I didn’t like those people much either. I moved to a different field and love what I do so much that I hang out at work events in the evenings and weekends. I’d be much further and have more experience if I’d switched paths sooner. I’m happy where I am but I went through so much stress and depression because I was afraid of change. I thought it meant I failed.
Spent too much time being tolerant of others treatment towards me. Do not take any disrespect and don’t lose yourself being treated any way other than how you genuinely deserve. Ok??!! Ok! ❤️
I gave up being my own advocate.
Ive had migraines since I was 6. And symptoms we now know was from full endocrine issues and epilepsy. My whole life.
By my teen years I gave up seeing doctors because of the outcomes.
Im just being diagnosed now… and I wish I had known I have to fight for my health… maybe it wouldn’t have nearly killed me 2 years ago.
That relationships aren’t built on just being able to get along. You can have the right person and not be sexually compatible or romantically compatible. And it’s okay to break up for that reason. A lot of people stay in relationships where they love their partner but don’t lust for their partner. Usually it ends up in unnecessary fighting or cheating when they could’ve just ended things and been honest to each other and stayed friends.
Don’t marry the first guy who asks.
I believed my mom had good intentions for me and was always acting in my best interest.
I didn’t set myself up for financial stability and security soon enough. I’m much better with money than my guy, but I let him do all of it. I love numbers and spreadsheets. He’s easy come easy go. We’re doing fine, but all the plans we had? Can’t do it because we don’t have the savings over the years that we should have.
Money is an exceptionally important resource that has you be managed. If you don’t know how, take personal finance classes.
Don’t fall in love with potential.
Firstly, travel! Travel more if you can whilst you are younger and have less responsibilities. Travel becomes more difficult when you’ve got bills, children and lots of responsibilities. If I could go back in time, I’d have travelled more in my early 20’s.
Secondly, if it’s safe and not detrimental to your wellbeing stay living with your parents for longer to save as much money as you can. Saving is so hard when you’re responsible for all the bills. I moved out at 18 to move to a different state with a friend because YOLO and, whilst that experience was amazing, it hindered my ability to save money in the long run.
Thirdly, and probably most importantly, before you have children with a partner make sure you’re on the same page and have similar values around child rearing. If you are already the “planner” and responsible one in your relationship, that’ll become a whole lot more apparent with children and resentment breeds like weeds. Try to pick someone with emotional maturity, the kind of partner who will step up when things get hard.
Finally, always pick yourself. It may seem noble to stay in a relationship out of duty, because you don’t want to hurt someone else or for the sake of your children but everyone will survive if you decide to put yourself first. It’ll be hard and sad but ultimately picking yourself means you get to live a peaceful, happy life. Life is far too short to sacrifice for others.
Being single is wayyyyy better than compromising yourself for an A hole.
Marrying someone I knew didn’t love me and believing he could “grow” to love me.
Giving a cheater another chance.
Don’t concern yourself with men. In my experience they all bring their partners down. Friends family and myself it’s always true.
If it hurt you it hurts you & they know it does
Don’t take your parents (family or loved ones) for granted. Nobody has perfect parents. If your relationship with them isn’t good but also isn’t abusive…try to find common ground. Make an effort to have them in your life. Visit with them, spend time, get to know them as people – not just your parents. Because the clock will run out and they’ll be gone and you’ll be left with so many questions and nobody else who has the answers.
You know those stories where a young woman thinks they found their soul mate, and they really, truly believe their marriage is going to last and they’ll grow old together? And unlike others’ their relationship really, really, isn’t going to break. Well that was me and that marriage did break. And had I heard from others the tale of: “Our relationship is special, we’re not like the others.” Yes I had and I still thought, “pssshh, well OURS is actually and honestly special and it’s going to last” 😂
tl;dr: It’s healthy to trust your partner, but still, no matter how much you love them or think they love you, have a back up plan just in case. Don’t blindly trust anyone to be there for you for the rest of your life.
A man is not a plan.
I financially, spiritually, psychologically took care of a man I was not married too. Granted he had medical conditions but, that responsibility was of his family, not me. Sucked the life out of me.
1. Travel while you’re young! Your feet don’t hurt and you can stay up late and get into trouble and have all kinds of shenanigans. And you don’t care yet if the hotel is shitty or if you’ve messed something up.
2. Don’t make only practical decisions or solely follow your dreams. You can’t just barrel into something crazy just because you want it without a plan. But also, don’t dim yourself to exclusively follow a plan with no risks and no joy in it. You can’t change careers. Get a weird hobby. Choose a bizarre side hustle. Take a couple weeks off and do a culinary class. Try glass-blowing. Try writing a novel. If you skip too many of these off the wall ideas in the name of being reasonable, you’ll miss out.
3. Find your people. Build a community of people you love. Find a balance between being able to forgive for people for being messy and walking away from people who are harmful to themselves and you too many times. If you cut everyone off who makes you uncomfortable, you’ll end up alone. But also, if you forgive everyone for everything, you’ll end up a bitter person who doesn’t believe in people anymore.
I can’t fault myself because I truly didn’t know better — but it triggers something in me when I see women say “I would never let a man abuse me like that. I’m strong, it just wouldn’t happen.” I hope they’re right, of course. But it saddens me that more women don’t understand the dynamics of abusive men. They don’t start out abusive, they start out mirroring you — they’re the man you’ve been waiting for your whole life. The energy between you is amazing and sexy and kind and vulnerable. And then one day they do something out of character. It’s SO different than the man you’ve come to know for months. It’s upsetting but it resolved and you explain it away. Everyone has bad days, right? And it snowballs ‘till you can’t see straight. You’ve already developed feelings and you KNOW who they REALLY are, on the inside. You stay because you desperately miss the man you got to know for 4 months. He was the ‘one’, you just want your dream man back and are willing to be patient.
As women, I think we unconsciously subscribe to sunk cost fallacy more than men do, which plays right into abusive relationships.
Long way of saying: avoid men who love bomb — it feels good but it’s not real. And clock the red flags. Listen to your gut — that thing he did was not ok, but he’s ok with it. That should bother you.
Not pushing for serious future looking conversations in a relationship because i didn’t want to ‘stress him out’. That whole ‘cool girlfriend’ thing is a real trap we fall into.
Never stop exercising. Whether its a dance class, weight training, mobility and functional movements, yoga, the treadmill – do not allow yourself to become sedentary.
Chasing unavailable men, not giving myself a chance to fall in love with a nice guy. Love takes time. If it happens quickly, it’s usually chemistry, which may or may not turn into love. Take your time. Enjoy the journey, and do it with someone who makes themself available emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Thinking I finally made it and was a grown ass woman! Wrong. You will feel like you are finally a grown up a million times.
The fact is, we are all doing this life for the first time (not saying reincarnation and past lives don’t exist, I’m speaking in generalities) and have no idea what’s going on sometimes.
It feels like the rug is pulled from under you and everyone else knows what they are doing.
They do not. We are all figuring things out all the time. And eventually you realize you can control how you do things they don’t have to be the “adult” way at all!
For example … Clothes? Styles? Appearances? You can wear anything you want. Nothing is out of the question due to your age. If you like it do it.
Your Living Situation – Buy a home, live in a tent, have roommates, live with your parents/family, etc.. none of these is an “adult” way to go.
To yourself, what, how, who your love do it with everything you have. Don’t let other people tell you what is proper etc.
Start a Roth IRA and 401k now. Save as much as you can as early as you can and make sure it’s invested in a low cost ETF like VOO. Doing that early will give you so much security on auto-pilot
40 comments
I allowed too many people to push past my boundaries. I was uncomfortable to speak up; I was also afraid of retaliation.
Now, I no longer remain silent when I’m in these sorts of situations. I speak my mind, and I defend myself (and my friends) always.
Career is more important than love nowadays!
A degree will never hurt u.
I spent my decades in long term relationships with men who didn’t truly love me. Know your worth and don’t settle for less because you deserve to be loved unconditionally.
If he truly wants to, he will find a way. If he does not want to, he will find excuses.
Learn to live without regrets. There is hope every single day to improve but looking backwards doesn’t give you anything but sadness. Keep your eyes forward.
Love isnt enough, you need real compatibility too. And not just on most of the important things, on ALL the important things. It doesn’t go away, you cant get around it, you just kick it further and further down the road, where it will continue to pop up forever. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone, incompatibilities will catch up to you.
Also be aware of the risk of wasting time with someone you know isnt right for you. When we’re young we dont care that we wasted a year or two on a guy we knew it wouldn’t work out with, it was fun. When you’re older, you look back and wish you hadn’t allowed so much mental and emotional energy to be wasted.
I used to sacrifice my own comfort for the comfort of those around me. In the end no one truly appreciated it. When people get used to taking without giving anything back they start to believe it’s their right. If I could go back in time I would put my own well-being first then everyone else.
Waiting too long to do all the traveling I wanted to do. No guarantees your husband will be healthy enough to travel overseas.
Getting married out of pressure because I got pregnant. I thought it was the “right thing to do,” but we weren’t emotionally ready or compatible. It ended in divorce. I learned that big life decisions should come from clarity, not fear.
I was afraid of my mistakes, judged myself. Now I realise, who gives a fuck and they made me who I am today
I married my college sweetheart. Which wasn’t a mistake. The mistake was staying with him “for the kids”, when we should have gotten a divorce.
Don’t promise a guy you’ll be with him forever. It makes it that much harder to leave when you outgrow him.
Not living for myself
Centering my life around men/relationships. Took me until I was in my late 30s to fall in love with myself and realize life is so much easier without a man almost always.
The phrase “life is short” can stir anxiety; just remember that it is said to remind us to enjoy the little things, to connect with people, and to cut out things in life that bring you down. Its NOT meant to make you think the world is ending or that you have a million milestones you have to meet before certain ages. Life is LONG in that sense. 70ish years if living is sooooo long. Have kids in your 30s, its not too late. Switch careers in your 30s, switch again in your 40s, who cares! Eat the pizza, you wont die. Go on a walk, mobility will be your best friend. Break up with bad boyfriends, who cares if you have been together for a decade, a bad boyfriend is a bad boyfriend. Timelines are arbitrary and stupid. Do what makes you feel good. Because feeling bad for 70ish years is a hell of a way to live.
Listen to my inner voice!! I didn’t change my career path in college when I had the chance. I went to a school far away that cost allot of money so i could study a really specific major. I realized I didn’t like it because I hated every single one of my major specific classes. I was disheartened by my classmates and worked in the field and realized I didn’t like those people much either. I moved to a different field and love what I do so much that I hang out at work events in the evenings and weekends. I’d be much further and have more experience if I’d switched paths sooner. I’m happy where I am but I went through so much stress and depression because I was afraid of change. I thought it meant I failed.
Spent too much time being tolerant of others treatment towards me. Do not take any disrespect and don’t lose yourself being treated any way other than how you genuinely deserve. Ok??!! Ok! ❤️
I gave up being my own advocate.
Ive had migraines since I was 6. And symptoms we now know was from full endocrine issues and epilepsy. My whole life.
By my teen years I gave up seeing doctors because of the outcomes.
Im just being diagnosed now… and I wish I had known I have to fight for my health… maybe it wouldn’t have nearly killed me 2 years ago.
That relationships aren’t built on just being able to get along. You can have the right person and not be sexually compatible or romantically compatible. And it’s okay to break up for that reason. A lot of people stay in relationships where they love their partner but don’t lust for their partner. Usually it ends up in unnecessary fighting or cheating when they could’ve just ended things and been honest to each other and stayed friends.
Don’t marry the first guy who asks.
I believed my mom had good intentions for me and was always acting in my best interest.
I didn’t set myself up for financial stability and security soon enough. I’m much better with money than my guy, but I let him do all of it. I love numbers and spreadsheets. He’s easy come easy go. We’re doing fine, but all the plans we had? Can’t do it because we don’t have the savings over the years that we should have.
Money is an exceptionally important resource that has you be managed. If you don’t know how, take personal finance classes.
Don’t fall in love with potential.
Firstly, travel! Travel more if you can whilst you are younger and have less responsibilities. Travel becomes more difficult when you’ve got bills, children and lots of responsibilities. If I could go back in time, I’d have travelled more in my early 20’s.
Secondly, if it’s safe and not detrimental to your wellbeing stay living with your parents for longer to save as much money as you can. Saving is so hard when you’re responsible for all the bills. I moved out at 18 to move to a different state with a friend because YOLO and, whilst that experience was amazing, it hindered my ability to save money in the long run.
Thirdly, and probably most importantly, before you have children with a partner make sure you’re on the same page and have similar values around child rearing. If you are already the “planner” and responsible one in your relationship, that’ll become a whole lot more apparent with children and resentment breeds like weeds. Try to pick someone with emotional maturity, the kind of partner who will step up when things get hard.
Finally, always pick yourself. It may seem noble to stay in a relationship out of duty, because you don’t want to hurt someone else or for the sake of your children but everyone will survive if you decide to put yourself first. It’ll be hard and sad but ultimately picking yourself means you get to live a peaceful, happy life. Life is far too short to sacrifice for others.
Being single is wayyyyy better than compromising yourself for an A hole.
Marrying someone I knew didn’t love me and believing he could “grow” to love me.
Giving a cheater another chance.
Don’t concern yourself with men. In my experience they all bring their partners down. Friends family and myself it’s always true.
If it hurt you it hurts you & they know it does
Don’t take your parents (family or loved ones) for granted. Nobody has perfect parents. If your relationship with them isn’t good but also isn’t abusive…try to find common ground. Make an effort to have them in your life. Visit with them, spend time, get to know them as people – not just your parents. Because the clock will run out and they’ll be gone and you’ll be left with so many questions and nobody else who has the answers.
You know those stories where a young woman thinks they found their soul mate, and they really, truly believe their marriage is going to last and they’ll grow old together? And unlike others’ their relationship really, really, isn’t going to break. Well that was me and that marriage did break. And had I heard from others the tale of: “Our relationship is special, we’re not like the others.” Yes I had and I still thought, “pssshh, well OURS is actually and honestly special and it’s going to last” 😂
tl;dr: It’s healthy to trust your partner, but still, no matter how much you love them or think they love you, have a back up plan just in case. Don’t blindly trust anyone to be there for you for the rest of your life.
A man is not a plan.
I financially, spiritually, psychologically took care of a man I was not married too. Granted he had medical conditions but, that responsibility was of his family, not me. Sucked the life out of me.
1. Travel while you’re young! Your feet don’t hurt and you can stay up late and get into trouble and have all kinds of shenanigans. And you don’t care yet if the hotel is shitty or if you’ve messed something up.
2. Don’t make only practical decisions or solely follow your dreams. You can’t just barrel into something crazy just because you want it without a plan. But also, don’t dim yourself to exclusively follow a plan with no risks and no joy in it. You can’t change careers. Get a weird hobby. Choose a bizarre side hustle. Take a couple weeks off and do a culinary class. Try glass-blowing. Try writing a novel. If you skip too many of these off the wall ideas in the name of being reasonable, you’ll miss out.
3. Find your people. Build a community of people you love. Find a balance between being able to forgive for people for being messy and walking away from people who are harmful to themselves and you too many times. If you cut everyone off who makes you uncomfortable, you’ll end up alone. But also, if you forgive everyone for everything, you’ll end up a bitter person who doesn’t believe in people anymore.
I can’t fault myself because I truly didn’t know better — but it triggers something in me when I see women say “I would never let a man abuse me like that. I’m strong, it just wouldn’t happen.” I hope they’re right, of course. But it saddens me that more women don’t understand the dynamics of abusive men. They don’t start out abusive, they start out mirroring you — they’re the man you’ve been waiting for your whole life. The energy between you is amazing and sexy and kind and vulnerable. And then one day they do something out of character. It’s SO different than the man you’ve come to know for months. It’s upsetting but it resolved and you explain it away. Everyone has bad days, right? And it snowballs ‘till you can’t see straight. You’ve already developed feelings and you KNOW who they REALLY are, on the inside. You stay because you desperately miss the man you got to know for 4 months. He was the ‘one’, you just want your dream man back and are willing to be patient.
As women, I think we unconsciously subscribe to sunk cost fallacy more than men do, which plays right into abusive relationships.
Long way of saying: avoid men who love bomb — it feels good but it’s not real. And clock the red flags. Listen to your gut — that thing he did was not ok, but he’s ok with it. That should bother you.
Not pushing for serious future looking conversations in a relationship because i didn’t want to ‘stress him out’. That whole ‘cool girlfriend’ thing is a real trap we fall into.
Never stop exercising. Whether its a dance class, weight training, mobility and functional movements, yoga, the treadmill – do not allow yourself to become sedentary.
Chasing unavailable men, not giving myself a chance to fall in love with a nice guy. Love takes time. If it happens quickly, it’s usually chemistry, which may or may not turn into love. Take your time. Enjoy the journey, and do it with someone who makes themself available emotionally, spiritually, and physically.
Thinking I finally made it and was a grown ass woman! Wrong. You will feel like you are finally a grown up a million times.
The fact is, we are all doing this life for the first time (not saying reincarnation and past lives don’t exist, I’m speaking in generalities) and have no idea what’s going on sometimes.
It feels like the rug is pulled from under you and everyone else knows what they are doing.
They do not. We are all figuring things out all the time. And eventually you realize you can control how you do things they don’t have to be the “adult” way at all!
For example … Clothes? Styles? Appearances? You can wear anything you want. Nothing is out of the question due to your age. If you like it do it.
Your Living Situation – Buy a home, live in a tent, have roommates, live with your parents/family, etc.. none of these is an “adult” way to go.
To yourself, what, how, who your love do it with everything you have. Don’t let other people tell you what is proper etc.
Start a Roth IRA and 401k now. Save as much as you can as early as you can and make sure it’s invested in a low cost ETF like VOO. Doing that early will give you so much security on auto-pilot