I [19f] have been feeling off in this relationship for maybe three weeks now, we have only been together a short while but everytime he does something romantic or intimate I find myself cringing and my body rejecting it.
I love spending time with him and on paper he is exactly my type but I cant seem to figure out where this feeling of rejection from my side is coming from. I dont want to leave him because he genuinely really likes me and hes the nicest boyfriend ive ever had so far in my life.
Should I leave him and save him from being in a one sided relationship or is there a chance feelings like these can change
*TL;DR; : He has done nothing wrong but I cannot get myself to enjoy any acts of romance or intimacy with him *.
6 comments
Perfect doesn’t mean right for you.
I have no idea who would be the ‘perfect’ woman for me but I know that I cannot be what a lot of amazing women would want a partner to be. I will never be the rich, adventurous, hard bodied guy that some women would like and that is ok.
I am a cuddly dork and I like that.
This guy may be wonderful but he may not be right for you.
The person you should be talking about this to, is your boyfriend. Whether it’s something you can work through or not, will be up to you guys
You’re just not that into him. Chemistry is a fickle thing you can’t always control.
That happened to me with my high school crush… it was a couple years after graduation, he was best man at his friend’s wedding, I was invited as his plus one… we had always been friends and flirted but the stars never aligned… finally it was the perfect moment, riding on the high of new love, he was driving me home after the wedding reception and he parked in my driveway and just leaned over and kissed me. It was like kissing my brother.
I think we both felt it. He immediately drew back and after he dropped me off, we never discussed that kiss again. Something about our pheromones not being compatible, I think. When you know, you know. And it sounds like you know.
But it was a great night, overall haha!
This sounds like the exact same situation I was in before I realized I was gay.
I realized I didn’t like men a while before I realized I liked women.
Not saying you are gay… but maybe it’s something to think about.
There’s a whole trope of people being “perfect on paper” but not good fits as partners, because being a good partner for someone goes beyond “has X qualities.” It’s also about chemistry and physical attraction. It doesn’t mean he is a bad person or did anything wrong, or that you did anything wrong. It just means the relationship isn’t working and that’s okay. And just because you haven’t dated nice boyfriends before doesn’t mean you’ll never meet another nice man to date; there are lots of kind men out there and not all of them will be good partners for you for reasons that have nothing to do with how good of a person they are.
If you aren’t feeling it, it isn’t good to force yourself into doing it. It’s also not great for him to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t really like him. He’s probably hoping you’ll end up liking him because he likes you, but that isn’t really how it works. It’s not just about saving him from being in a one-sided relationship, but also about saving you from forcing yourself to be romantic with someone you’re internally cringing from. You don’t deserve that, and you’ll end up really warping your view of sex/romance if you’re thinking of it as something he deserves for being kind while also being something that you just sort of have to put up with.
I was single for a while before I met my husband because while I went out with lots of people who were funny and nice and attractive, I didn’t feel chemistry with them. But it helped me realize what things I wanted in a partner, and that made it easier to recognize my husband as the person for me when we did go out. It’s okay to end a relationship with a nice person if you aren’t feeling it. Listen to the signals your body is giving you, and keep looking till you find someone who treats you well that you’re also excited to be dating.