Apologies if this is less eventful than other posts, but as I'm 20 and this is my first serious relationship I don't know how anything works. There are 10 months between us with age but he's in the year below academically.
We have been dating for 1 year and 2 months, and are essentially long distance as we go to separate universities, though we live in the same area during vacations so we are together for that time.
Since we started dating he's been great at communicating, and I think we both shared any issues/concerns/problems we had which honestly wasn't very many. Honestly it went incredibly for the first year or so, even with the distance.
About two months ago we had our first actual 'argument'. This was his second year at uni, basically his course got a lot harder and he started getting involved in sports, but eventually this meant he only had time to call every 2/3 days and even then it was always very brief and superficial. This is despite the fact that the year before we called for an hour or more every day (bear in mind I also do a STEM degree) but nonetheless I always made time for him. I just felt like he is prioritising everything else above our relationship, and we agreed we would try to put more time in to call. This somewhat improved things at least from my perspective, and since then when we actually saw each other I thought it was going great.
Fast farward about a month ago or so, we have a minor argument again. TLDR he got a lot more drunk than me at a social and we just really weren't getting along… honestly not sure what the actual cause was, though definitely more underlying issues than actually being drunk. (I do drink and have no issues with this, I just wasn't looking to get drunk that night). He wanted to have sex and I wasn't in the mood, partly because it felt wrong with me being sober. I did realise he is also mostly in the mood to initiate when slightly drunk… which is is not a great realisation.
For some background he's been very affectionate the whole relationship, and he always texts/says he loves me etc. At some stage so much so that I thought it might be lovebombing, but it was always in a nice way and I really appreciated it.
About a month ago he starts distancing himself a bit, or at least it seemed like it to me. I brought up how he never initiates anything romantic, and every time we get intimate I basically have to initiate… which itself wasn't a huge issue but it did feel like something changed. We still had cute/romantic moments together but it felt a lot less enthusiastic than before. Granted he has projects/work on constantly but again… sometimes it feels like he was a lot less committed to us than I was.
Then comes new years eve… and he gets quite drunk, and (casually) brings up the fact that recently when we've had sex he actually wasn't really in the mood and didn't actually enjoy it. He said he's just got a much lower libido but didn't want to say no because I was so excited for it… He said he didn't NOT want to have sex, just wasn't enthusiastic about it.
…
So that was… wow. God that felt horrible, especially because now I feel like I pressured him to have sex… for weeks, and he hasn't enjoyed it that much in weeks… I didn't even know how to react because I always thought it was romantic (minus a couple times where we just weren't in the mood, but I thought we communicated well). I always tried to be clear that he never has to be intimate if he doesn't feel like it, there's no pressure if he doesn't want to, and always said we can stop if he wants to. I genuinely thought he felt comfortable to say no whenever, but I guess not… I may retrospectively br terrible at discerning emotions but I tried my best to never pressure him.
Also we were doing relatively well together outside of sex, which is why I never imagined this before he said it. He also didn't say this as an argument, it kind of came out really casually which was so surprising.
Apart from feeling terrible about how he felt, I said that if he's really not been in the mood to be romantic then we might not be compatible to be in a relationship. I really didn't mean this vindictively, I do love him, but if he doesn't want to be intimate, almost ever, it's better for both of us if we just stay as friends rather than boyfriends. He didn't really know why he was never in the mood to be intimate, which I don't know what to do with.
He then started crying saying how he loves me and really doesn't want to break up with me, that we can work on the relationship and he wants us to try.
I said I needed to process, headed home, and he messaged me saying the same thing, that he doesn't want to break up. I suggested we should talk in person soon (he knows I might discuss breaking up) but he's kept messaging how he loves me and doesn't want us to end, but keeps putting off us talking.
Is it worth trying to fix it? Some of my friends suggested going on a break from each other and seeing how we feel, but I know he won't take it well and won't want to break up. Is it beyound repair? I really do love him, but I don't know if this is something we can just get over… but he's so insistent that we should stay together.
It's just so confusing going from him lovebombing to me feeling controlling (he didn't say this but god I felt like it after), and now that I suggested breaking up he's so adamant he wants us to stay together.
Help…?