I (24f), and my (26m) bf have been dating for 3 years, live together for two. hes asked me to put in more effort with dates and things to do together, so i’ve been working on it.
problem is i feel like every time i suggest something, he isn’t having a good time. I’ve suggested multiple things multiple times but his response is so minimal i just don’t even put in the work to make it happen. Baking treats, paint and sip night, clay crafts, puzzles, and other night in activities.
ive suggested playing a some of my favorite video games. i usually have to ask multiple times over the course of a few weeks for it to happen, and when it does hes very monotone and quiet.
i try to meet him half way and play games he plays. when it’s a competitive team game i am at a much lower skill level making almost all of the games a loss, which frustrates him (and me honestly). if it’s a more open adventure game (stardew, minecraft, terraria) he usually just runs off to do his own thing, and doesn’t tell me what’s going on, so we are playing independently.
Having a movie night is good in theory, but it ends up feeling selfish on my end because he just doesn’t really like movies or tv, unless theres a rare show that interests him. we watch in silence with little to no conversation about it afterwards.
a lot of times what happens is i suggest something, a vacation, a game, a movie, a restaurant that just opened, and suddenly his friends are invited and the date just doesn’t feel like a date. i’ve sometimes asked for things to be just us when i really want alone time but he usually insists on inviting others.
i’ve tried to ask for activity genres he would enjoy, and he said it just feels like him planning the date. he has admitted to not enjoying most of what i ask him to do, but he likes to see the effort. i’ve told him i don’t get anything by just dragging him along places if he doesn’t like it, but he didn’t really give me a response to that.
TL;DR bf asked me to put in effort and plan dates. he doesn’t enjoy vast majority of what i suggest, and has admitted that, but wants me to keep planning dates anyway. i don’t know what to do