TL;DR: My LDR ex-girlfriend broke up with me about a year ago because in her words she lost romantic and sexual interest in me because I asked her to financially contribute to our relationship and thus she didn't respect me as a man. I haven't put out my thoughts and feelings publicly and want to know if I really fumbled a good woman.
During the 10 months we were together, I paid for EVERYTHING and when I say everything, I mean EVERYTHING. I paid for all our dates, activities, food, gifts, travel (3x holidays and travelling to meet her) etc. She did not offer to pay at all which I did notice however I brushed it off as I felt it wasn't a gentlemanly thing to ask a woman to pay and I didn't want to cause a fuss. To be honest, I was completely okay with this as I have a good paying job and savings to my name. I wanted to be a 'man' in her eyes and prove to her that I was a caring partner who genuinely loved her.
A few months in, we were at a shop to grab some snacks/drinks and she grabbed what she wanted and waited at the cashier. When I arrived she was standing there just expecting me to pay for her and myself. I called her out on this later about her lack of financial contribution and she told me that as a man I am expected to pay for his woman and that most relationships are this way. I was really hurt, especially as I had paid for everything up to that point, the least she could have done was help out a bit. Long story short I lost my cool and called her a gold digger which really upset her and made her cry. I felt really bad after and still do to this day, it really isn't like me to result to name calling. She broke up with me but I apologised and managed to reconcile with her, explaining that I didn't mean what I said and that I would do my best to provide for us.
Despite this, she was an amazing girlfriend. She made me feel loved and happy in ways I haven't felt in a long time which made me want to strive to be the best for her and give her the world. It was my first relationship in a while and in hindsight I put her on a pedestal in my life and perhaps I was too infatuated. She was incredibly attractive and I felt completely out of my league with her. Admittedly I have been quiet a introverted and lonely person before her and I genuinely wanted to make her happy because I truly loved and cared for her. I wanted her to have the best experiences in life and to be a loving partner which she said she loved me for taking care of her all the time both emotionally and financially.
However over time however I felt that I couldn't keep this financial situation. Part me of starting feeling that she loved me for what I provided and not for who I am as a person. I live in a western country with a high cost of living and my dream is to save up for a house deposit and get a property for us one day. With the amount of spending I did on her, I couldn't/wasn't able to save much at all during our time together. I started to feel a bit of resentment and unappreciated for the one sided effort I was putting in.
She works full time as a doctor and makes a good salary. I asked her if she could send me some a small fraction of the money I had spent on her after 2 holidays abroad so that I could help pay some credit card bills and put some of it towards our future savings. Although she did, she resented me for it because it was such a unmasculine thing to do to a woman in her view. She blew up at me about this a few days later and I sent the money back to her to try calm the situation. We had an argument over money again and some of the things she in her exact words were:
"My money is my money and your money is our money"
"A man should feel privileged that a woman is letting him spend money on her"
"As your future wife, I'm not paying a damn penny to you"
"If I can pay my bills myself at the moment, then why do I need you?"
"If you can't provide for me then let another man take me and do it"
She also explained that as a man its so unattractive for me to be asking about a woman's salary and what she chooses to do with it, especially as she felt I was trying to 'live' off her income as well as mine which I wasn't. She explained that for our future arrangement she wanted to continue working as a doctor as her career is very important to her and that even when we had kids, I had to pay for a nanny, give her a monthly allowance and have any property in both our names for her security. A real man would do that if he truly loved and cared for his woman. I was honestly in disbelief that I didn't really know how to respond. She then broke up with me saying that it wasn't going to work out in the long run and it left me absolutely heartbroken.
Fast forward to today, I'm still gripped with the thought that I failed her and myself. I wonder if the problem was actually me. If I made more money or worked harder could I have been a better man for her? Was I wrong to 'bicker' about money as she put it? I tried to understand her point of view the best I could, thinking to myself as a woman, if a man can't provide for you and future kids especially in hard times, then why would you want to marry such as a man? All my friends, family and co-workers have told me that I dodged a massive bullet and that they're glad she isn't in my life anymore but a part of me truly feels that I failed. I still feel really bad I called her a gold digger and although she says she forgave me, she said that I made her feel like a gold digger for just asking for the bare minimum and that its such a burden for me to provide for her. Just makes me think that if I can do all this for someone and they still leave, then perhaps there's something wrong with me.
Apologies in advance for the long post, please let me know your thoughts. I will try my best to respond to every reply and if you want to ask any further questions I'm happy to answer as well.