I found out i was pregnant while planning our wedding. My fiance said to me last night, while drinking, in a ramble after I said "My dogs are my greatest accomplishment" , long story short, that he will be a better parent because hes a little older than me and raised a dog longer than I have (16 years and my oldest is 12) and his dog was a lot better than mine are and he has stronger connection with them than i do or anyone else does with their dogs (his dog was able to be off leash everywhere in busy areas and listens well). One example is when I let my dogs run off lease in a country area, if a car comes, I call them and hold them by their leash. He is adamant that I should trust my dog to stay put when the car goes by without holding them. I tell him its my job to make sure my dogs are free to play in a safe environemtn and thats how Im comfortable doing it, and dont have goals to have my dogs as complete off leash dogs and am not even working on that and care to make sure they are completely safe. He thinks this is not trusting my dog, fear based training, and creating a bubble that will be represenetiative of my bad parenting basically lol (many other examples).. I have felt this energy from him for a long time.
I told him the first year with a newborn is really important about attachment to the mom, and that he needs to let me be a mom without thinking he knows better or without trusting me or or not valuing me to know what to do, or undermining what I do. While I figure out how to do it all! It will not be perfect! I'm so angry about it and he is basically saying well I dont want you to undermine what I say and do and think as a father. I do not want this man telling me how to be a mom and criticizing me while im post partum and doing my best. I have NO idea what to do. How can i protect myself? I just feel like this is going to get out of hand and I feel completely not valued. Pregnancy is tough enough and he thinks it should all be easy and i really think he believes anything I would instinctually do with my baby or kid is wrong.
We are currently buying a house together where he lives (I live one hour away) and i think im just going to get my name off the mortgage and contract. He said he was open to that (his mom is putting 50% down on the house so it makes my ownership difficult anyway, so he is open to just buying it in his name).