Hi everyone,
Happy New Year to you and your families. This may not be the easiest way to start the year, but I’ve decided that this year I want to truly live and make the most of the time I’ve been given.
Late last year, I made a mindset shift. I’m naturally very agreeable and rarely express myself, but recently I’ve started doing so. My wife has experienced this as me being defensive, likely because before I would agree to everything.
This has also highlighted issues around intimacy. Most of the time, it feels like she’s doing me a favour when I initiate. I often carry all the emotional and physical effort, and only when she’s in a very good mood do we have great sex, which happens maybe once or twice a year.
I don’t think I can tolerate this dynamic anymore. I do initiate, and I do try to create space for intimacy, but she often seems closed off, on her phone, pretending to sleep, or simply not present. Yet when she’s in the mood, everything must stop, and her need takes priority.
We spoke a few days ago when I was distant, and she said we had an opportunity to have sex during that time, but she never reached out or communicated . It feels like intimacy is sometimes used as leverage. She has mentioned before that we don’t have sex because I didn’t do….
So I feel I need to put my foot down. I won’t stop initiating, but I won’t continue if there’s no interest or response.
I don’t want to be mean. I want to be a good husband and fulfil my role fully—but I also won’t let this situation take away my sense of self.