ldr: Used to having very high intenisty sex that was shorter and kind of kinky to this new slower more intimte experience of sex. I do very much enjoy it, it's just not at all what I'm used to and I think my brain and body shut down during our first experience. How would I adjust?
The full story:
I was in a nearly 8 relationship previously and single for the past 9 months without any new partners to just focus on myself. It was a fairly sexual and kinky relationship, all throughout the years. My prior relationships were somewhat similar.
Near the end of it (not the reason the relationship ended) I got fairly into adult videos. Within the last 60 days or so I've nearly cut adult videos and masturbation completely off for my own personal reasons.
4 months ago, I bumped into this girl that wasn't normally a girl I'd go for, but I found extrodinarly attractive in both personality and looks. It started off as just a friendly relationship where we see each other within mutal groups but chatted very little.
We started constantly talking over the course of the past month, got to know each other and grew some fairly deep feelings for each other, scary almost. The connection is extrodinarly genuine feeling. We both have similar desires and interest for a relationship in that we are serious and don't really want to waste time on partners so everything has been fairly on table for expecations and such. We laugh together histarically and also just vibe incredibly well naturally. It's been very comfortable and easy and safe without any preformance on either ends.
We ended up deciding to date each other. We've had deeper conversation and expectations from a romantic interest prior to dating, something that has never happened to me before. All my past relationships have always been a hook -> date -> eventually some serious talks. This has been all driven upfront, we didn't even kiss until we were in a relationship.
We hooked up for the first time last weekend after hanging out all day.
She's a very sentual personal, loves a connection and embraces a feeling at a much slower pace then I'm used to. It's a beautiful change honestly, but it's very different then what my brain and body is used to.
If I could summerize my experience it would be: performance driven, physically focused, high-intensity sex.
Where as her's is: presence driven, emotionally attuned, slow sensuality style.
It's a very different change, so when I ended up having sex after kissing and cuddling all day, I was soft during the moment. I felt very nervious.
Once I was able to get it up, and we started going at this much slower pace I started to get in my head and told her I don't think I can finish like this. I just got kind of werid and we ended it after like 2 minutes. It's like my brain and body just shut down. She went home very soon after, but I could tell she didn't feel to good.
I brought it up to her the next day and we spoke, and she reassured me many times it's okay and her feeling for me are much deeper then that and we can work on it. I reassured her that her looks or anything wasn't the issue either, that I am still very attracted to her.
My question now after such a long winded story is how to almost 're-train' my brain and body to embrace this new style? I truly do want to enjoy this slower more in the moment experience with her as it feels more more connected and in tune. It honestly feels like a much healthier sexual relationship as well, I do not have a single desire for this more extreme stuff that I was used to. Did adult videos/past relationships screw me up or am I fixable?