I am a 31/F living in an age gap marriage, my husband is 49/M. We've been married for 2.5 years and in that time I've struggled with suc intense loneliness… We have a good friendship, we can talk about anything and that's largely because of my personality, I find it hard to carry resentment or lash out etc. The downfall with our marriage is the lack of intimacy, my husband is fine going months without sex. I know persons may attribute it to his age but his yearly blood work always comes back with him in excellent health and great testosterone levels so I ruled that out.
While we were courting he showed great sexual interest almost as if he couldn't wait to get married so we could be intimate. Before me, my husband lived a very promiscuous life with multiple women, partying all the time, drinking etc. he gave all of that up to become a Christian (about 4 years now – before meeting me). I've asked him before if being with me is boring compared to the lifestyle he's used it or if being with the same woman is not as exciting as being with multiple women. He always says no but I feel as if he's not being honest for fear of hurting my feelings. We typically go so long without sex that sometimes I find myself trying to initiate out of desperation and 95% of the times he turns me down. His excuse for not wanting sex is that it requires too much energy… But I have a hard time accepting that as a reasonable excuse because he's a very hard worker, he can work for hours (12-14) on end and still have so much energy at the end. I sometimes wonder if he's even attracted to me or likes me at all. I cry myself to sleep many nights or have sleepless nights because of it
We don't go on dates, he doesn't compliment me unless I ask. I'm a very jovial and fun living person, I try to play with him and run jokes etc and he's never in the mood or kills the mood all the time. I just can't help but think that this is not what he promised me when he proposed to me and I'm conflicted as to what I should do. Separation has crossed my mind a few times but I lost my job early on in our courtship and started working for him so I would not be financially stable otherwise and in one of the off moments that we had sex I got pregnant… So I'm currently 6 months pregnant. In his years of drinking and partying he was not wise with his money so he doesn't have a house, we currently live a small 2 bedroom apartment, business is not going good and we're looking at closing down so we're basically struggling financially. I can't help but think that I made a poor decision marrying someone 18years older who has no accomplishments (except a failing business) and now I feel trapped.
I've tried through the duration of our marriage to rekindle the flame and build intimacy but it always falls flat… When I saw that the intimacy was dying (right after the honeymoon) I suggested that we kiss each other passionately at least once a week, he said he wasn't ready for that and doesn't want to be forced into doing something he wasn't ready for. I've planned activities like Hikes, picnics, sip and paints, house viewings etc he always turns them down because he doesn't like them ( even if it's something he's never tried before, he's not willing to try). I've tried wearing lingerie to bed, he said it's too short notice he needs to know in advance so he can plan for sex. I've talked to him countless times about how I feel, the rejection etc and asked that even if he's not in the mood if he could find other ways of pleasuring me… That hasn't happened either.
Does anyone have any advise as to what I should do where intimacy is concerned or just the overall state of my marriage?
Ps. My parents have been married for 32 years and I really want to follow in their footsteps by not getting a divorce but I don't know how much longer I can hold on
Tl;Dr: I'm in an age gap marriage (18 years) my husband is healthy and has no conditions that would affect his ability to have sex however we hardly have sex (once in every couple months). I've tried to build intimacy which doesn't work, I've tried talking to him ABT it, he'll try to make changes that only last for 2 weeks. The lack of intimacy, romance and our financial struggles has me reconsidering the marriage. What should I do?