Hi everyone, I could really use some perspective because I feel emotionally overloaded and don’t trust my judgment right now.
I’m (26F) confused about what to say or do regarding my (32M)boyfriend/ex.(I don’t know how to call him atp)
We had been together for a year in a good relationship, even lived together at one point, shared a lot of memories, and were planning to be together again after I relocated for a year for work and school. From the start of our dating, he told me he struggled with communication and handling uncomfortable emotions, and I could see him trying. I always appreciated that effort.
We always met in different cities and traveled together. Around early November, I had a really bad day and just wanted to talk to him. On the 5th of November, I got angry because he refused to talk, even though I only needed to share what was going on with me. I sent some angry texts. After reading them, he angrily blocked me, and I couldn’t stop calling him in the panic and hurt I felt. That moment was chaotic, and I felt completely destabilized.
Shortly afterward, he unblocked me and told me something bad happened that would hurt us both(but never said what it was) and that he was going into rehab. I didn’t hear from him for almost two months. During that time, I sent soft, non-judgmental messages, but I never knew if he read them. The silence completely shook me, and I even tried convincing myself to move on.
A few days ago, he finally replied. He apologized and explained that being in the clinic was a rollercoaster, his phone was restricted, and he didn’t know how to tell me. He said he’s now transitioning into therapy and back to normal life.
Part of me feels relief and validation — I always sensed his silence wasn’t about me, and I’m glad he’s getting help which I always suggested to him. Another part of me is still deeply hurt — even one message back then explaining he needed time would have spared me a lot of pain. My body still remembers the confusion, fear, and abandonment.
I still love him. That hasn’t gone away. But I feel confused on what to decide — not reconciliation, not moving on. I think getting perspective from other people would help me make a more grounded decision.
My questions are: What would be a healthy response to his message (if any)?
I want to ask him directly if he still loves me and considers dating me — is that okay? Or is it better not to reply at all right now?
I’m trying to be compassionate without abandoning myself. Any grounded advice would really help. Thank you all.