First time posting here. I looked through the sub rules, so I hope this question is okay!
I'm sure this question gets asked constantly, but I wanted to give some context on my specific situation!
First off, due to some traumatic relationships, I (36F) considered myself asexual for many years. Until recently, the last time I had sex was in 2008. However, this summer, due to some growing urges, feelings, and fluctuating hormones, I realized not only was I not asexual, I'm totally bisexual. Needless to say, this is all very new to me!!!!
I joined Tinder a few months ago, with the goal of hooking up with someone to test the waters. Plus, with the hormone fluctuations, I'm just so very horny all. the. time. After some stumbling blocks, I accomplished my mission and hooked up with, let's call him B for simplicity, towards the beginning of November.
It was all pretty transactional and we went into it with the agreement that we were just going to hookup and maybe try being FWBs. Based on his texts, I thought he might be kind of a jerk. So, I kind of assumed it might be a one night stand or just a very narrow FWB situation where we don't interact when there's no sex. Turns out, without sounding too gender-normative, guys just suck at texting. He ended up being really sweet to me, wanted to cuddle, and we chatted a little. And we've been hooking up a few times a week ever since.
We still want to try the friends part of FWBs, but we just haven't gotten around to it because the sex is so good, and we wouldn't be able to keep our hands off each other anyway.
Lately, things have been feeling different between us. Everything seems to be more intense, especially when we're not actively having sex. Example, because of the holidays, we hadn't seen each other in almost two weeks. When we finally saw each other this past Saturday, I was shutting the front door after I let him in, we had barely even said hi to each other, and he just grabbed me from behind, and held me as tight as he could. We stood like that for close to five minutes just holding each other with our fingers interlocked at my waist at the bottom of my stairs.
After we finally let go and kissed each other, he said something along the lines of "it's been way too long". Then it was all clothes ripping off, barely making it to the bedroom intensity, although that part is not totally unusual! The next intense situation was after round 1. Like I mention, we always cuddle, but it's been getting more and more intimate the past few times, and Saturday was probably the most intense it's ever been. First, we just spooned for a long time without saying a word. He kept kissing my hair and the top of my head and stroked my face the whole time, and would occasionally give me an extra tight squeeze. Now these are not necessarily things that he's never done before, but it was the way he did it. So much more tender than usual. I rolled over to face him for awhile, and we had this electric eye contact for a bit and even more tender face touching and kissing. It was incredible.
We went for another round, and it was the same thing afterwards. After awhile, he started getting up and getting ready to leave. Normally this happens pretty quick after he says he needs to get going, but there was so much stalling. He kept chatting while he contemplated getting dressed and when the conversation would lull, he would stop and kiss me. I could tell he didn't quite want to leave yet.
Now, I get it, not all guys are anti-cuddling with hookups. Sometimes, a hookup can just be about human contact. And he even said up front that he was a cuddler, but it's just been feeling different lately. I don't think he could even deny there is some sort of chemistry even if I'm just reading too much into it. And full disclosure, I've already been developing a crush for a few weeks now. Not to mention the oxytocin from cuddling is a powerful thing in the first place, and I'm just trying to tell myself that it's just that pesky hormone trying to bond when it shouldn't be. But, I don't know, something is telling me this might be more.
One other thing to note. He's never said it exactly, but I think the main reason he was just looking for a hookup or FWB is because of his work schedule. He works nights and weekends (I work a regular old office job), and we can barely find time just to have sex for an hour or two, let alone time to try to make a serious commitment. So I don't think he's opposed necessarily to a relationship, I think he's just being practical and didn't want to offer too much. But, I might just be justifying, and I'm well aware of that.
Anyway, I don't know what to do next or do with these feelings, or if I'm reading too much into it. I'm not even quite sure what advice I'm asking for. This is such new territory for me. I'm starting to worry that this was a big mistake, and I'll end up in another traumatic situation. I worry that if I tell him my feelings, it's going to ruin what we do have. If he doesn't feel the same way, he's either going to end things or things will continue, but be awkward and eventually end anyway because I can't be in another unrequited relationship. The first one nearly ruined me.
I know this is the same old story every person in a FWB relationship has, but I need to know what to do.
Here's my specific request, if you were in my same situation, how do I tell him without self-detonating? I hope that's not too vague of a request because I also just kind of want some general advice, and insight, but I want to make sure I'm following the sub rules.
TL;DR: FWB situation, I want to tell him how I feel, but don't know how.