I (33 M) have been married since October 2025, and in that time me and my wife (41 F) have had sex once.
We initially met online 2 years ago and got on great. She is from Texas, and I'm from England. There was never a moment where she made me aware we wouldn't have a sex life; we would sext each other occasionally, and for all intents and purposes it seemed to me having a healthy sex life wouldn't be an issue. I made it quite clear I enjoyed sex and everything it entailed, and told her I wanted a family.
She flew out to the UK for a holiday and we met up in person, and got on great and really liked each other, the same spark we had from our online conversations. We then stayed at a hotel, and attempted sex. Foreplay was fine, mostly. She couldn't perform oral on me because of an issue she had with her jaw not allowing her to open her mouth enough, which is fine, but then it got to penetration and…it was like she had a brick wall inside of her vagina. It was just impossible to get in. After 30 minutes of trying, and half a bottle of lube, I gave up trying. Fast forward a week later and we tried again, and with her on top we actually managed to have sex.
Anyway, long story short, since that time and since being married, we have had sex…three times. She never initiates sexual contact, she never allows to touch her intimately in any way, she never, ever performs any act on me to satisfy my needs. I am incredibly frustrated, becoming resentful to be honest and thinking of ending the relationship. I've asked her to see a gynaecologist about her issues with vaginal tightness because I think she has vaginismus but she got defensive and said no. Sometimes she even makes out like me having sexual desires is perverted or something. It's obvious to me we aren't sexually compatible at all, but I do love her. I have no idea what to do. I can't just leave because our lives are intertwined now, I relocated for her to a town that has no jobs and I've been unable to find any work so I have no income anyway and can't leave regardless. I'm not even sure if I'm looking for advice or what, I have nobody to speak to about this, no friends locally so I'm blowing off steam more than anything.
TLDR **Online relationship, eventually got married after, however have only had sex three times since marriage. Wife never told me we would never have sex, despite knowing I wanted a sex life and a family**