This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I don’t know how I’m still shocked that people are so unserious about dating at our collective age. I get that most people would prefer to “see where things go” but I sometimes feel like a type A maniac for expecting people to make a genuine effort, maybe have a long-term vision that includes being partnered with some degree of intention…
Feeling like I’m going to self-sabotage after we exchanged the L word. Thanks, anxiety!
Farted a bunch in my car before picking up my date. She asked about the smell so I made up a bunch of lies about working at an egg factory. Now she wants a tour of the factory.
My city feels so unserious about dating for my age that it’s hard to imagine finding someone who meets even most of the things I’m looking for. But looking at bigger cities, I’d either have to do significantly more work in a new job or take a pay cut, not to mention start over from scratch socially. And I’m not famous or hot enough so I can’t get on Raya lol. WHY DO I HAVE TO PICK AND CHOOSE, WHY CAN’T I HAVE IT ALL 😩 (rant over)
Im happy with how my dating life is going right now, even though I don’t have any cool milestones to share. I’m feeling like im learning a lot about myself and who I am dating and im so glad for that. Thankful I get to meet people and share my life with people too
**Should I break it off?** I am very close to doing so. Talking to someone for two months. Due to being out of town for holidays, opposite job schedules, car problems (his) and a drive (1.5 hr each way) that makes advance planning required, we have only seen each other in person 3 times, but have had numerous long (1-2 hr) phone calls. We text most days. Today it’s my birthday, which I don’t expect anything crazy as we are not official or anything, but he didn’t remember when he texted (I mentioned casually a few times, the last on a phone call this past weekend). I reminded him to which is responded thank you for reminding me happy birthday. I really don’t expect a gift, but I am disappointed he forgot, and isn’t at least trying to plan a nice dinner date under a “let me take you to dinner for your bday” when I prefer the guy plan nice dinner dates at this stage regardless. There is no outstanding “when I can take you out next” ask from him and I am feeling that right now the ball is in his court and he’s dropping it. I think about the minimum I would do if a guy had a birthday 2 months or 3 dates into dating him (I would remember, text and offer to treat him to a nice meal planned ahead), and he is not doing that for me.
I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but I feel I have already been doing that too much. I am nearing my threshold for not meeting minimum expectations, I don’t think they are too high. I want someone who even in early dating, is going to at minimum remember my bday two months in and make plans with me. A gut-check from others would be helpful. How much grace should I extend considering the circumstances?
I’m on the receiving end of a lot of temper tantrums lately and I don’t know how to deal with it.
In the last few weeks two men have asked for my number within 2-3 messages and when I stated I don’t give out my number until we’ve met or are working on meeting I was hit with “good luck being single” or just a straight unmatch.
Two people have asked for dinner as the first date (don’t get me wrong – I hate, hate, hate a coffee/walk/ice cream first date esp in the dead of winter) and when gently redirecting for cocktails or art gallery I got hit with “too difficult” or ghosted.
What gives?
Feeling weird about this, venting here:
My ex (been broken up for one week) just shared a piece of short fiction she wrote with me. In it, she depicts an intimate (erotic) encounter between the two of us.
What is making me feel weird is that she did not ask my consent before sharing it with me. As far as I’m concerned, any implied consent between the two of us was revoked when I broke up with her and made it clear I no longer want to be her partner.
Sharing this with me feels like a violation of the boundaries I set post break-up, stating that “I don’t think it’s a good idea” for us to carry on a physical relationship.
I know we are awaiting our final couples therapy session to more officially define how we are going to interact with one another going forward. Maybe my “I don’t think it’s a good idea” is not as clear a “no” to her as it is to me.
Still, this isn’t sitting well. I asked her to give me a heads up next time she is sending me something with an intimate scene in it. I don’t feel like it’s my place to chastise or “educate” her here on consent.
I’m just…sad. And maybe feeling a little more like I made the right choice to break up.
First date tonight, I’m worrying about what to wear. I tossed some clothes last minute into the washer, I hope they can dry in time. I hope it goes well, we’re getting drinks. It’s nice to go out on a work night for me because I won’t stay too long and I have to keep it to one drink, two drinks tops. It’s a nice way to keep the date short if things get awkward.
I’ve been dating a guy for about 2 months now. Things have been going really well, there’s chemistry and we’re very attracted to each other. He lives an hour and a half from me so our in person time together has been limited but we would still text everyday, that is until about 2 weeks ago. Long story short, he’s in a depression funk and told me he’s not interested in anyone and wants to be alone.
Has anyone experienced something like this? I know I need to let him go and figure himself out but it’s hard because I’ve never experienced this before, I really like him and feel kind of blindsided by this.
Guys, does it upset you when you are texting with a woman and she only replies like once a day or after many hours? Especially before 1st date?
I am honestly often getting overwhelmed by messages in general and prefer to keep any deeper / interesting conversations to the meetings. Like I appreciate the effort when I see a block(s) of text but at the same time I feel a bit paralyzed. I would rather use voice notes but also maybe once a day. When I reply I do reply mindfully though. Would that space between replying put you off? I just feel like we are strangers and I havent seen the guys face, havent looked him in the eyes so building connection feels almost fake at that stage.
peeped my ex’s social media, then blocked them when I noticed it felt bad. they’ve been posting a lot after the breakup, and ignorance really is bliss 🙂
Anyone else horny?? How do you cope??
I don’t have a FWB, I don’t do 1 night stands. Not a platonic friend I’m willing to cross that line with. I just want a cute clean guy to come make out with me on my couch and see where it leads.
It’s fine, I’ll just ride the wave and wait it out.
Gotta love the follicular phase 🫠
I have been visiting family in SoCal for a few weeks now for the holidays.
As an Asian American, I’ve thought Upstate NY has limited my dating options since I prefer other Asian Americans, so I’ve thought about moving back a lot over the years, but I always do end up in a relationship that keeps me around for many months until it ends, usually because of my concerns, even if it’s a mutual end.
I have an opportunity to keep staying here in SoCal and trialing in a rental unit and borrowing my dad’s car for a few months to try out life back home. There’s logistics to handle, and certainly wouldn’t be as comfortable without all my things I have back in my house, as well as the financials, but I can afford it especially with the family support.
It makes no sense not to try, right? But fuck I’m such a homebody that struggles not having his things that create his routine, it’s so stressful. I definitely should do this, everyone is recommending I do.
I gotta just commit to this for a few months… Escapes the winter anyway.
So this guy I am seeing is away for a month. And clearly it’s unclear where it is going and if it’s going anywhere.
There are 3 guys I was chatting with on OkCupid. But I didn’t really check the app after I slept with this guy. I guess it’s not great of me to ghost like that. They deserve some response. But I truly don’t want to open the app and be online even for a bit. I also don’t really know what I can tell them. Like “sorry, I am seeing someone”, but I don’t even know what me and the guy are. It’s just shitty of me since they all seemed like great guys, and we had wonderful conversations.
In other news, I ordered a garter belt and stockings. And already for this I am grateful to this guy. It has been ages (and I mean it) since I was excited about sex. It makes me annoyed how two last exes were so boring in bed as well as this one guy from an app. Wasn’t even worth having sex if that’s so whatever. So yeah, last time I had great sex was back in 2019… now too bad, I am taking strong meds against chronic pain which really messes with all that sensitivity. Well, I guess I cannot have it all 🤷♀️
Shot my shot with a stranger in the wild (literally) and got a date, which as a woman was a neat experience.
Ran into a guy well off the beaten path of a trail while hiking and he was playing with his dog on a ridge and the light and mist were just hitting impeccably so I took a photo (it came out amazing) and asked if I could airdrop it to him and we have a date next week.
Gentlemen, this situation only works with the woman initiating, lol. Please don’t photograph and hit on women in the middle of the woods. It was still a little creepy even when I did it.
Newly single and I feel like I have no idea what dating apps to look at. I’m not even ready to date yet but it just seems overwhelming to figure out which apps are good, which to avoid, all that stuff.
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GF and I are on a break. Shes sensed something has been off. We didnt really talk much over the holidays. She said she was happy with the effort she was putting into our relationship and honestly the amount of effort she put in just made me lose interest. We talked about it a few times in the past and nothing really changed, so I just kind of checked out and stopped putting in as much effort.
We decided to just take a break since she’s going to be traveling again and Ill be busy with moving into my new house.
I expect we will break up after she gets back, but she didnt want to give up on us just yet.
I woke up this morning, looked at the ceiling, muttered “fuck” and started crying. I feel a lot better as the day’s moved along, but I would love nothing more than for her to say “I changed my mind” and we could get right back to it. I don’t mind simmering in something I shouldn’t be for a bit before I knock my ass back into reality.
How do I introduce myself to someone that is pretty without turning into pile of goop that can’t form a coherent sentence? I feel like i should know how at this point in my life but i feel so socially inept i cant even approach people in person.
34f. I was at a beauty appointment tonight and the young woman working on me asked if I had kids and I said no. Then she asked when it was when I chose not to have kids and this stung even though I know she didn’t mean it.
I know it’s not worth it if I’m not with the right person, and I’m doing what I can by putting myself out there. It’s still tough. Ugh.
It’s times like this I regret my breakups. I don’t miss my ex boyfriends, I just miss the comfort of not having to feel judged by society.
It’s sooo weird running into matches out and about. Not even the ones you talk to but the ones that either died out after a message or two or that you matched but haven’t had capacity to send the first message to.
Where did all the normal people go? Are we out of stock?
I am staying hopeful but deary me, conversation is dead. Everyone is so polarized, my matches either want to hook up without talking, or they’re puritans that want to get married first.
I’m alone in the middle. And slowly becoming a crazy cat guy.
Well, I am back almost a year later. My last post was 9 months ago, and for an obvious reason – I had 0 dates for most of the year. After a crash I had, who I thought would become my girlfriend, ended up just using me – so I got extremely burned out. I didn’t try going out as much after, and even some people I met I was interested in, I ended up not asking them out on a date…
Anyways, I am actually here to celebrate, for once haha. I had my first date after so long, and I couldn’t believe my luck – it turned out to be someone I have so much in common with, and she turned out to be exactly my type. I am all but gave up on dating apps, yet the first person I matched on there and went out with turned out to be amazing.
After my experiences last year, I am really trying hard not to get my hopes up, but it’s quite hard. I’ve got a second date scheduled, which I can’t wait for… I am honestly quite scared about what she thinks about me, and I really don’t want to mess it up… but for now, 2026 has started pretty amazingly for me (knocks on wood)
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wild how deceiving photos can be.
match had super strong features, which is fine, but the lighting, angles, and awkward poses jammed them together in unflattering ways. i couldn’t imagine her in front of me. i asked a friend if she had lip fillers and he said, ‘duh.’
looks-wise, she was extremely not my type, but we had shared tastes in music and she was sharp and kind. i went into the meet-up for shits and gigs. glad i did. i could recognise her from the pics, but something about the way she moved tied her large eyes, aquiline nose, and jutting cheekbones together. she was stunning. didn’t even have fillers – or if she did, the surgeon did a fantastic job of making them look subtle.
we chatted two hours. she was funny, compassionate, and had this calming, focused presence. said she wanted to see me again, but didn’t know what she was looking for romantically. walked her to the train station, went to the wrong one, i offered to walk her to the right one, and she said, ‘i’d like some time by myself.’
didn’t ask for a kiss. i really thought the date went well, but those parting words shook me. she messaged me on the bus home: ‘woohoo!! yippee!!!!!!’
we’re gonna hit up a few markets to get indoor plants on the weekend. that’s fun enough, but i’m also looking forward to basking in a beauty photos can’t capture.
tl;dr: go on that first date.
Multi dating free of guilt for the first time, giving it a genuine effort to date 3-4 people and let connections slowly unfold, crossing my fingers this allows me to actually enjoy dating again!
Thinking of having three potential suitors compete in Flavor of Love style competitions for my affection. I’ll give them ratchet nicknames, maybe one will shit on the carpet.
Thoughts?
Do all women conspire to be active on the apps at the exact same time? I go from one or two slow conversations over a week to suddenly being overwhelmed with many at a time on the same day. This happens in cycles.. something is afoot..
Honestly, I find the dating world so confusing after my divorce. At one time, a divorced woman in her mid 30s with no kids, no ex drama, that could take care of herself and her bills, and lives alone would be a catch.
Now it’s been 3 years since my split and I haven’t found anyone I could honestly see myself with long term or even short term. It’s harder when you are childfree!
Yet all the other divorced women in my day to day circles that have kids (ages from elementary to early 20s) all have new boyfriends within less than a year of splitting up with their husbands.
glad i can speak here freely . i’m in grad school and went home for winter break. my mom has a position where she has two people working directly under her. one of my moms staff members graduated from my school a few years ago and she has been a resource for me as i navigate thru school. we are about 3 years apart in age (she’s 29). when she first started working for mom and we met, i had to keep my composure as she is stunning, very put together, and just the sweetest . i never tried to get her attention in that way because of her working relationship w/ my mom.
anyway during this winter break, we wound up going out, prompted by her . we basically spent the entire break together doing everything our time allowed and tbh i think i would marry her eventually . the only thing is…. she still works for my mom and will for another 1.5 years. we are thinking about a way to make it work but are coming to the conclusion that the proximity is just too much her working relationship w/ mom is more important than ours. so bittersweet that the woman that i’ve had the best time with is also completely out of my reach.
For now at least. there’s a world that we can try in 1.5 years but that’s a long time.
Anyone else feel like the most neurotic version of themselves waiting for someone to text back? Second guessing everything? Wanting reassurance from your friends? I feel like at this point I have the “observing mind” saying “wow, look at that, you really are very neurotic even though you know you couldn’t have done anything better or different …”
Here I am: unexpectedly met a cute guy on NYE … exchanged numbers and flirtatious texts …. Not sure what his dating status is (he’s single but not sure if he’s actively looking and if so, what for). And I try to remind myself that I didn’t even know he existed a week ago and if I never see him again I will survive but damn. Finally asked if he wanted to just get a drink and waiting to hear his response!
Been meaning to post this but the post from /u/oreomcdurry in this thread made me think about it again:
I (35m) went deep down the relationship podcast/youtube rabbit hole (including basically every Logan Ury interview and article) and one of the themes that kept coming up, specifically for women, was to “open up their filters” or give that “maybe” first date another chance. Re: the whole everyone wants someone over 6’ despite it only being 15% of the population or everyone wants that crush “feeling”
the gist of that advice, to me, was for women to lessen the scale of their “external” checklist (a man’s looks, job, if he gives you the “crush” feeling) but increase the weight of the “internal” checklist (does he have the skills to be in a committed relationship, how does he handle conflict, your values, goals in life, etc). I don’t view the advice negatively or positively but it sort of makes sense anecdotally.
Anyways – say all that to say – that advice is almost NEVER EVER given to men. And the advice given to men – hit the gym, find hobbies, and go to therapy… is never really given to women.
Why don’t we tell men to worry less about how “attractive” a woman is and focus more on the “internal” aspects?
I’m falling for this guy, and I don’t want to admit that. I don’t want to admit that I wasn’t even looking and that when I met him I straight up did not believe in love anymore at that point. Came out of nowhere.
The second I let my guard down is when I start getting hurt.
The second I feel like I could cry over someone, I freak out because I’ve already done so much of that in my life I never want to do it again.
And the second I notice a switch up in how somebody acts, it feels like my stomach drops out of my butt and I’m back at square one.
I feel like an abandoned cat in a cage at an animal rescue. But I can’t say this and I can’t talk about it because I don’t want to be clingy or weird. Even though I am weird. Fuck.
Twice in a row now I have had women go from strong demonstrated enthusiasm (approaching me in real life, suggesting a date on Hinge) to immediately backing off after adding me on instagram. I have no idea what could possibly be off-putting there. But it’s clear that I’m fumbling somehow, and that feels really terrible. These were people I was excited about.
My partner and I have been dating for almost a year. He’s wanted to be a firefighter since we met, and is maybe finally getting the opportunity to do it in a town 4 hours away.
I’m just fucking sad. I’m very happy for him because this is his dream, but I think about our future and cry that it’ll be over soon. Of all the fucking departments that he applied to, the one that’s working out is the only one that isn’t relatively local.
I’m going to miss him and our relationship very much.
Saw work crush again, but he didn’t do much today like he did last week, I guess I missed another chance last week to push the momentum forward. He was so gentle with the client I’m so jealous, when he passed by my office I looked up to see him but he didn’t meet my eyes, he was talking to the client, sob. Anyways I plan to do some small talks with him since it’s been 2 years and we have never spoken before.
She asked if we were boyfriend and girlfriend, though she thought those sounded not very adult-like. I told her it’s that or cuddle buddies, boytoy (and a woman equivalent) or something else. So, we have agreed we are exclusive, it’ll be boyfriend and girlfriend, and she agreed to only adopt the titles once we kiss (I know, I’m weird). And damn does she give a lot of compliments. Definitely not used to it from women that aren’t my mother.