We‘ve been together for 13 years, married for 2. We studied together and I remember his smile and his forearms being one the features that struck me the most. We used to do a lot of sports – he used to mountainbike a lot, and up until the birth of our son a year ago we were regular mountaineers and backcountry skitourers as we live in a really mountainous area. We both went to the same gym for years, he ran a marathon, I used to trailrun.
Since the birth of our son 2 yrs ago he has steadily put on weight and stopped training completely. I was active through all my pregnancy, and have taken up training again soon after. Of course the regularity has gone down, but I still try to do as much as I can, and while I’m not as fit as I used to be I have my physical shape back and kept it.
The fact that we both work demanding careers in healthcare with him also holding an academic on top doesn‘t help of course, but he‘s just stopped doing anything at all. I‘ve found whole chocolate bars or cheese blocks go missing, usually when I‘m not home. I know he‘s stressed and always says he doesn’t have time to train, but whenever I offer to keep an evening free for him so that he can go do some lifting he says he‘d rather come home to be with our kid, which I adore, don‘t get me wrong, but it also hurts to see that he‘s letting himself go that much. I miss the stamina and the stable mood that came with the fitness, not only the fit body in itself.
Also, I know this is superficial thinking, but my physical attraction towards him is starting to suffer. I love him deeply, but I miss looking at him and silently going „wow…“
Any advice on how to approach the topic without wounding him, and on how to help him get back into sports would be so appreciated. I love him with all my heart, I know he misses his old self and I just want to help him get a few steps closer to having himself back…
EDIT: IT IS NOT ONLY ABOUT HIS WEIGHT, as some commenters interpret. It‘s the symptom that shows most that he has been neglecting what he loves and know is good for him. There is a kind of people for whom outdoor sports is an integral part of their lives and, not moving anymore for whatever reason does something to them, and we‘re both that kind of people. I would like to help him be a happier and more balanced human. I also happen to have a physical preference that directly reflects my husbands physical and mental health. Where one goes, the other follows. I may also simply be missing our times together doing what we love, and his change reminds me of that daily. I love him and our boy to bits, and would do it all again the same if I had the choice. I hope this clears up some misunderstandings.