So I apologize in advance since there is A LOT to unpack here. This is a burner since he is on reddit as well and I don't want to take any risks.
Ok, married for 8 years now. Things between us have been pretty good for the most part with the occasional ups and downs. Until 2020 hit. He is naturally introverted so that literally left him in his element. Unfortunately this also caused him to sink deeper into work and become more reliable without allowing the pay to follow. So this causes more time away between us and tension due to escalated work duties.
We had a disagreement mid '20 and he expressed his work comes before anything despite the world moving forward allowing some travel. It stung a bit but I adjusted and began to focus more on allowing my daughter to share those experiences instead of him. That Oct, we move into a new place and get back on the grind.
2021- I find out at the end of Oct my father (who had VERY bad heart problems) needed gall bladder removal surgery. After weeks of being in the hospital, mid Nov he was supposed to go in for the procedure and was terrified based on his discussion. My husband was VERY disconnected and lacked any support for the situation… come to find out he was fully engaged in sexual conversation with an ex ( to the point pictures were shared from her with his arousing expressions). I was crushed. I was also under a ton of stress with my dad so I barely had time to fully address any of it since my Dad needed me. He was discharged from the hospital a few days later and was starting to heal at home. Literally 10 days after finding the conversation, I found my dad has passed in an accidental slip and fall. He bled out and I had no one else to turn to but my husband. (I had been keeping quiet and my distance while trying to remain sane). My whole world just collapsed. I had no choice but to fall back on him.
He stayed out of the way the entire time the funeral was being planned while my brother had to literally be my brain. I have not forgotten anything but now I don't know what to do.
2022- I attempt to move on with a surprise trip to the mountains for our anniversary. This man was so inconsiderate the entire time. It was like I couldn't do anything right (unless he was getting intimate, but even that is unsatisfactory). I didn't enjoy any of it because I was so busy trying to make him happy. When we got back home, he immediately jumped on his work PC and went about muttering and checking emails.
2023- My daughter asked to go to the beach for her birthday so he paid to take her for a few days as his gift to her. She is not his daughter and we have no kids together unless you count my fur baby. Again with the attitude and pouting. So I called him out and I am met with accusations that I am trying to make him her father. I have never put him in that situation since she has a father who is very much active in her life so that was uncalled for in my book.
2024- I am accused of making him a roommate due to lack of intimacy and that I don't love him… which came from out of left field. Are we intimate, yes. Are we as intimate as we were when we first started, no. He has an incredibly high libido that he supplements with pron and says he does it as a way to release otherwise he would be far too aggressive. Mind you he has ALWAYS had files tucked away since we first started AND can't seem to finish with me sooooo…. there's that.
2025- I mentioned I had a large amount due to pay for my daughter's band fees. He volunteers payment without a word or attitude. I then had my own fees due and forget to mention they are NOT THE SAME AS HERS. He flips out. Refuses to listen and shuts down assuming I'm lying to him. Eventually I tell him I don't need him to step in if this is how he plans to act and will make it on my own. Done. Oct another random argument he literally threatens to hit me but won't tell me what is wrong or what I did wrong. He never explains himself just comes back 2 days later after being completely silent and apologizes. And now Christmas, I pack a snack bag for my grocery delivery person as a thank you and he sarcastically states 'its better than what I got'… I asked him to repeat himself as I just got him cream and oil for his eczema. He says it wasn't meaningful because it wasn't intimate (I know what he wants and that was not what he wanted and as such it meant nothing… so much for caring).
I am at a loss. At the beginning of our relationship, he expressed he doesn't do gifts but despite this I still try to show him I love him with small gifts. I don't say a word when he tucks it away to eventually get rid of it but I DO care so I try and clearly even when I try, I am wrong. Being intimate with someone I never truly healed from cheating on me, is destroying any type of intimate relationship.
Again sorry to vent but I had to get it out.