Hi all,
I've been seeing a guy recently, who is very sweet and we do get along well and seem to enjoy time together. We have been on 4 dates so far. For context, not sure if it helps, due to life situations and cost of living we are both living at home, so there hasn't been an opportunity to be intimate, in "that" way. Which I'm ok with for now as in the past it's been very immediate and I much prefer the slower pace and so does he.
He also has a child which I would imagine would automatically slow things down.
Besides all that, on our first date, he ended up spilling all the beans on his previous long term relationship, the mother of his child, for example what broke down the relationship, details of what happened in court, how she had cheated and it really broke him so much so he later did it in retaliation, which he regretted and knows it wasn't the way to handle the situation, relationship with his parents and family which isn't great etc etc.
I do find strangers, friends etc just tell me things. Others have noticed it also. Since I was a teenager I have noticed this that people seem to just divulge personal and intimate things to me, don't realise they are doing it and once they snap out of it make me promise not to say anything. Other people have seen people do it with me also, saying things like "they talk to no one", or "I have known that guy for years and he has never sat and chatted like that with anyone".
I don't know what it is people just seem to have this weird immediate trust. I am very conscious of it and actively do not try and further push for information, which is what I did with this guy.
So on our third date he referenced a few things he had mentioned before, and given he had told me , I asked some very vague questions around them, nothing too invasive, more just me getting a little more context and in a way for him to know I don't mind discussing this and offer no judgement. Considering this was brought up before I thought it was ok to ask the odd question.
He said later that he felt forced to tell me this stuff on our first date and wouldn't normally say it until about a 10th date.
I felt immediately guilty and was extremely apologetic that he felt that way and apologised profusely. I would never want anyone to feel that way. But I did have a think over the conversation we had and I am certain that I never directly asked, or demand information around the topics he raised. If anything I remember thinking, "I didn't think we would be talking about this yet but I don't want to be rude or come across I'm not open to this conversation", I just sat and listened and actively did not ask further questions… He just kept going.
He said "don't worry, that it would come up eventually and that (he) didn't expect to tell anyone so soon".
Its being playing on my mind ever since. Is this an issue? Has anyone else had this issue and what was the outcome long or short term?
Im realistic in terms of dating, if this doesn't work out down the line, I of course would be very disappointed as I do really like him, however if he feels too vulnerable too soon and runs off I suppose there's nothing I can do