Tl;dr: we both have been having issues; me being way too easy to anger recently, and her blocking me out when she gets upset. I’m hoping we can reflect on ourselves during this week break and find ways to work navigate our emotions but I’m scared I made the wrong call.
So, as the title suggests, me and my gf are on a break right now. I asked for it because we’ve both been having issues. Me, I’ve been more easy to anger. This is completely out of character for me, as many of my friends pointed out this was not at all normal. And I can see it too.
One example of this is when me and my gf were in the car and she had forgotten her glasses. I told her to go and get them but she said no. I don’t know what possessed me to say this but then proceeded to get angry at her for not getting them and threatened to not drive us to our destination (insane, I have no fucking idea why I said that). And other smaller things like me being defensive towards her when she hadn’t even done anything, ie “you better fucking not tell friend about this, got it?” When she hadn’t done something even remotely like that since a little after we first started dating.
I recognized that this is not okay, I have no excuse for being this shitty. I have to work on this asap because wtf is wrong with me?? I genuinely have never acted like this before. Maybe it’s because I’m off my antidepressants, or because I’m around my (not too great) family 24/7 now- but I need to fix this.
For her, she’s had this issue where she ices me out whenever she feels like I’m rejecting her-or whenever she gets upset. Trying to have a conversation with her about something she did to upset me is like talking to a wall. It is painful to pull information out of her when I’m trying to understand what I did wrong. And when I tell her, okay I’ll leave, she says not to. So most of the time I’m stuck there while she’s not talking to me and I’m confused.
The other day, me her and two of our other friends were on call and she had asked me a question. I didn’t think it was a serious question, (what would you do if I pissed the bed?) and I said something along the lines of “I’d ask you what the hells wrong with you? Like is something medically wrong, this isn’t normal. Are you okay?” And she got upset over it. Looking back on it, yeah, I most definitely could’ve phrased that better but it wasn’t my intention to come off as an asshole I thought it was more of a silly question. In response to this she gave me the silent treatment during the call. When I tried to ask what was wrong she said “So you comfort me in private and humiliate me in public?” To give context she said this because she had asked me the same question before and I gave a different response, which was me saying I would comfort her. Which yeah, I would probably after the shock of a wet bed. Anyways, despite me asking her to talk to me in private about this, she didn’t not want to. Nor did she want me to leave. Instead all of us stayed on the call, tense because of what happened. I later talked to my friend about it and she had said it didn’t seem like too much of a big deal and that my gf did seem to drag it out. Do I see where I messed up? Definitely, I should have been less harsh. But I also didn’t think that was a serious question. She asks silly questions in-front of our friends all the time.
Another time in private, we were joking about farts (we have weird humor). And she asks if I liked her farts, and I said something along the lines, “Of course I like your smelly farts.” She then said, “my farts are smelly?” To which I replied, “when are they not?” She then got upset at that. I was extremely confused about what I had done wrong. After consulting a friend, she too said something along the lines of, “yeah what, she got mad at you saying her farts were smelly??”
All of this context out of the way, I asked for a break because, I’ve told her and asked to communicate about these things with me or at least tell me if she needs alone time since the beginning of our relationship (10 months). Since now and then, not much progress has been made. in fact she does not see her therapist anymore despite me asking her to keep going. However, not all of this is on her, as I mentioned, my temper has been shit this month for some reason, and I do not want to put her through my mood swings. I want to work on myself and figure wtf is causing me to act like I am. My therapist has been busy for two weeks, but thankfully I have an appointment this week. Hopefully that will be the start of me getting better.
I just really hope I didn’t make the wrong choice, I really do love my gf. We will start talking again this Saturday. It can’t come fast enough.