I’m in a complicated situation and could really use some perspective.
My ex and I were together for 2 years. About a month ago, we broke up after he hurt me and I lost trust in him. We had a fight both of us were in the wrong. He ghosted me for a bit and then ended things in a way that left me in a lot of pain. Recently, he reached out expressing regret, saying he misses me, and showing that he wants me in his life. He’s reflected on what happened and said he wants to work on things, but the broken trust still lingers.
I really do want to try again, but I’m struggling with:
• **Trust issues**: He lied and hid communication with a female friend (nothing unfaithful just not comfortable w the friendship since he used to like her) even after I asked him to stop. I’m afraid he could do it again, even unintentionally. Every single one of our fights revolve around my discomfort w her and their friendship.
• **Fear of being hurt again**: I don’t want to jump back in too fast and repeat the past.
• **Emotional ambivalence**: Sometimes I feel excited and happy to talk to him, other times I feel neutral, disconnected, or unsure if I even want him. I am scared to jump back in for comfort or if it’s cuz I actually want to.
• **Boundaries**: I want to bring up my boundary about this friend, but I’m scared it will turn into conflict, and I don’t want to feel like I have to monitor him. I’m so done w this being an issue.
• **Motivation to reconnect:** I’m questioning if I want him because I truly do, or if it’s fear of losing him. Some moments I’m like yes this is what I want but then I’m like nope you’re forcing it.
• Pacing and process: I want to take it slow, texting and hanging out before discussing serious things like the breakup, boundaries, and trust-building. But I’m scared to attach and then be hurt. He texts me and my responses are so dry cuz I won’t let myself open up cuz it’s a weird limbo rn.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you know it was safe to try again? How did you rebuild trust while protecting yourself from getting hurt? How did you navigate taking things slow without feeling like you’re forcing the connection? Any advice or perspective would mean a lot.
TL;DR:
Ex and I broke up after 2 years due to broken trust and lying. He’s reached out wanting to reconnect, but I’m hesitant because of past hurt, trust issues, and fear of repeating the cycle. I want to try again slowly, but I’m unsure how to rebuild trust, set boundaries, and protect myself emotionally. Looking for advice from anyone who’s navigated a similar situation.