TL;DR:
Started as FWB during my exchange in France, became a couple, but he consistently prioritized my close friend over me (more effort, plans, attention, and online engagement), even after I said it made me uncomfortable. My feelings were minimized as “cultural differences” and nothing changed. I never felt loved or prioritized back then. Now we’re long-distance and he’s trying, but I feel emotionally checked out and unsure if the relationship is worth continuing
We met during my exchange in France and started as FWB. During that time, he became close friends with one of my close friends. While her boyfriend—who is also his cousin—was away on a one-month trip, they spent a lot of time together and grew closer. During that period, she spent time at his and he even let her choose his current perfume. They played mario kart, made drinks and played just dance and idk what else they might’ve done bc everything that happened I only knew from her.
With me he just chilled, we cooked sometimes, watched movies and fucked…he said most of the plans were bc she said it and that I should say if I want to do smth. That he didn’t read minds. It hurt.
As things evolved, our dynamic shifted from FWB to a relationship, with the understanding that it would end once I returned to Honduras. However, even after we defined ourselves as a couple, I never felt prioritized over her. I expressed my insecurity about feeling like a second option, but both of them framed it as a cultural difference and minimized my discomfort—especially regarding how she would spend over four hours at his place, often when I was away running errands or busy.
At first, I genuinely didn’t mind their friendship and even liked that they got along bc I appreciated both. But over time, I began to feel uneasy, particularly when I noticed that most of their time together happened when I wasn’t around.
Some of the situations may have been innocent, but there were moments that felt uncomfortable to me. I perceived her as physically touchy, and it hurt to see that in public spaces he often seemed more attentive to her—or at least that’s how it felt to me. According to both of them, nothing ever happened. He explained that he didn’t show much affection toward me because this was his first relationship and he was afraid of messing things up, saying he felt shy or unsure. I struggle to fully believe this explanation.
There were several things I clearly communicated that bothered me, yet nothing changed: • He engaged more with her online. One time, we both posted the same story—food that I had cooked—and he only liked hers. He also followed her private account before following mine, explaining that I had “too many accounts.” And she had to ask him to follow me in order for him to actually do it. • He often wanted to invite her to plans that were meant to be just for the two of us. • There were physical gestures that crossed my boundaries, such as standing very close, squeezing her cheeks, or putting his arm around her shoulders when they were sitting together.
After France, we decided to continue the relationship long-distance. He asked me to make it official and be in a real relationship. Now, in the LDR, I feel disconnected and like I’m not giving enough—but the truth is that I don’t always feel capable of giving more. In France, I never truly felt loved or appreciated. Although he is trying now—calling me daily, sending flowers and gifts—it’s hard for me to fully receive it because of how unseen I felt back then and it went on for at least some 2-3 months.
He says he wasn’t fully himself in France and that he feels ashamed. He has bought tickets to visit me in Honduras and plans to attend my graduation. Still, I’m scared of seeing him. I’m afraid I won’t feel comfortable, that I’ll continue to feel like I’m not enough, and that things won’t work.
The experience in France hurt me more than I expected, and I’m still trying to understand how I feel about it. I love him, but being hurt and ignored while asking for empathy has been one of the most painful experiences I’ve had. I don’t know if staying is the right choice anymore.