Hey all throwaway count just in case she happens to be on here. So here goes my story.
My gf and I were both in medical school and started around the same time with me being 6 months behind towards the end due to failing a rotation. We both were in other relationships for basically the majority of school. My ex gf and her were neighbors as we were all international students renting in the country the university is in. Due to this we all ended up becoming friends. For a few reasons the girls fell out with eachother very early on (for reasons I’ll mention later down) and basically became enemies so I never really had any contact with them aside from the random greeting if we ran into eachother.
My relationship with my ex was far from perfect. There were a lot of things she did early on that ruined my trust for her. I was quite sure she cheated on me while we were physically apart during covid but nothing was ever confirmed. Due to this we broke up early this year and I never looked back as I started putting less effort into the relationship. As this was my first big relationship (yes quite late I know) I tried pushing things aside to make things work, even though I should’ve left long ago as she was quite verbally abusive and would generally leave to go drinking with friends on the weekend.
Just me and my ex broke up, I ended up having to do a rotation with my current gf who was still with the other guy at the time. Up to this point her relationship wasn’t the best either. It was well known in the year group that her ex was verbally as well as physically abusive to her. Especially as there were times they physically fought in front of the same apartment building and other neighbors reported it, including my ex gf, which is one of the main reasons they stopped talking.
Well turns out as we talked a lot during the rotation as we were a pair on the same team. She let me in on how bad things were with him and even showed me pictures of bruises. Turns out he also broke up with her quite recently. Why she stayed in the relationship for so long, I have no clue, but I’m not one to judge. Due to this we ended up letting eachother in on what happened in our relationships. And ended up falling for eachother. Things were great between us and we always promised never to hurt eachother the way they did to us. Yes our exes found out and were quite angry with us. With mine being quite “hurt” even though she was already engaged to another guy and hers calling and threatening to expose her nude pictures among other things. But we just blocked and forgot about them.
Earlier this year I helped her though her final exams to become a doctor (as I was to write early this year as I’m behind) and everything went well. Her ex also wrote exams as well and passed. Now we are all back in our home country and she and her ex have started to work since September. I of course was quite cautious of him being around her as I know the kind of person he is and will try something backhanded. I’m not a controlling person but one thing I asked of her is to not have anything to do with him or to be alone with him. I trust her completely otherwise. She said she doesn’t harbor any hate for him anymore and she thinks they are “cool”. I was wary of it, even her best friend warned her of the same, but I trusted her anyway. As I’m just studying and not working yet I would generally get her lunch or pick her up from work when she’s free and take her out as I know how stressful life as a resident is.
Now on Christmas Eve is where things happened. She would usually hang out with other friends on different rotations during lunch and in one of these friend groups, her ex is usually there. And they would chat a bit at times, but nothing serious she says, and he supposedly never messages her. In this day in particular she was working till midnight and he was too. (although she never mentioned it though she mentioned talking to him the same day) Around 9pm she told me her senior was going to let her off at 10pm which would be good so she can be home a bit earlier. However around 10pm when I messaged she didn’t reply. I thought she was dealing with a patient or something so I didnt call but just said to message me when you’re leaving. However I got a weird feeling which I just couldn’t shake.
Then at 12:30 she called me crying and said she did something bad. My heart sank and I asked her what. She told me that her ex happened to be working late as well and they were in the doctors lounge together. They were supposedly talking about the past and then out of nowhere he tried to kiss her which she said he stopped. He then apologized. People started to come into the lounge and they needed to eat so for some reason she said they should go to her car to eat. (I don’t know why she thought this would be ok) there they talked more and he then decided to pull her towards him to sit on her lap (once again I don’t know why she allowed it) he then tried to kiss her again which she said she stopped and he asked for a kiss on the cheek which she did, he also kissed her on her cheek. After which she got off and began saying this is wrong and that she only loves me and started crying, after which he left and then she called me.
Hearing all of this broke me as I just didn’t know what to think. I felt numb and my mind was racing. I just don’t know how she allowed this. She said he manipulated her and talking about their past made her weak. I just don’t know if she told me everything either as I got bits and pieces over the course of a day. She told me she regrets it and apologized for days. My entire Christmas Day was a mess.
It’s been a week today and I just don’t know how to feel about her now. I just don’t feel I can trust her anymore, especially working around him. She says she will do everything to get back my trust and make things work. But I just don’t know if I will be able to. After the lies and things with my ex I decided I wouldn’t tolerate anything of the sort anymore.
I consider it to be cheating although she is trying to say otherwise as she has experience “full on” cheating in a previous relationship. I can’t even look at her without thinking of things. I end up talking very dryly in conversations.
If any points need clarification please let me know.