My girlfriend is on a bachelorette trip for one of her friends. When I called to check in and asked how her weekend was going, she mentioned (after a few questions) that they went salsa dancing and she danced with a bunch of guys she didn’t know. She wasn’t hiding it or anything, but it only came up because I was asking about how her weekend had been and what they’d been up to.
Here’s the thing: I feel really jealous about this and I can’t shake it. We’ve never discussed boundaries around this kind of thing before, so I’m not saying she did anything wrong. I totally recognize that’s on me for not bringing it up earlier. But I know that if the situation were reversed, I wouldn’t go out and dance with a bunch of other girls now that we’re dating. I just kind of assumed she felt the same way. It’s hard for me to think about her in another guy’s arms dancing.
What makes it worse is that we’ve actually talked about salsa dancing before and discussed how sexy of a dance it can be. So this isn’t like swing dancing or square dancing. There can be an intimate element to it that makes me uncomfortable. That doesn’t mean that we’ve both talked about how it’s always an intimate dance, but it definitely can be.
I think part of what bothers me is that she didn’t mention it beforehand. If she had said “hey, we’re going salsa dancing tonight, and I’ll be dancing with a bunch of other guys” I probably would have been more mentally prepared and handled it better. Finding out after the fact has left me with this lingering uncomfortable feeling. I’ve always been super open and honest with her about anything that I am doing that might make her uncomfortable or be misinterpreted by her.
I know I’m probably overreacting and being insecure about this. She was just having fun with her friends on a trip, and I don’t want to be that guy who gets upset over normal social activities. But I can’t help how I feel right now. How do I process these feelings? Is this something I should bring up with her, and if so, how do I do it without sounding controlling or making her feel bad for just enjoying herself? Would you feel the same way in this situation, or am I being unreasonable? Any advice on working through jealousy would be really appreciated. Honestly, this is my first serious relationship, so I’m just learning.
TL;DR: Girlfriend went salsa dancing with stranger guys on a bachelorette trip. We’ve talked before about how sexy salsa is, which makes me uncomfortable. We never discussed this boundary and she didn’t mention it beforehand. I feel jealous and insecure and don’t know if I should bring it up or just work through it on my own.