I F24 have been dating this guy M24 for about a year now, hes a great intelligent man, but had a troubled home life growing up. His dad walked out 10 years ago and his mother completly fell apart.
He's her only child and she moved abroad for her husbands job, when he left this caused for her to spiral. He often refers as their relationship growing up to him being "her rock". At 15 he had to step up to take care of his mother emotionally, instead of the other way around. She currently still tells him every single day that hes "the only thing shes got left."
For the past 3 years he has been financially taking care of her aswell, as she doesnt really work. He even bought her a house in her native country, because she was unhappy here.
It cost him 42k in savings.
He has barely any left.
He works 80 hour work weeks and is constantly sleep deprived.
This wouldve been different is he were a millonaire, but hes not. Hes only been in the workfield for two years and is still working on the road. He's great at his job, smart and ambitious, those are some of my favorite qualities of him.
But he's currently working more hours so he can save, because he has to take care of her. (She is not ill, physically or mentally and capable of working.)
He says its ok, its just the way things are. But I cant help but think of how different his life wouldve been if he had more range of freedom. I think hes missing out on expierences, spontaneity. He is never truly satisfied and a workaholic.
He truly is his mothers husband.
I came across this term "emotional incest" on a psychologist website and am now wondering if this is the case or im just unable to understand his situation, since ive never been close to any of it.
Im aware that im currently in less of prioritiy to him, stood just one spot under his mom. However, I dont care. Well, it does bother me ofcourse, but I just want him to lose some pressure. To be free and happy, I love him.
I try not to ask for much, and try to make clear that his presence only is enough. He still takes me on incredible dates, is a great parner emotionally and an amazing friend who always makes me laugh.
However it does feel like he's in two relationships. Right now im wondering, do I bring it up in converstation? He does "enjoy" talking about the subject, its freeing to him I think. If so, what are simple things to do to help him? Lessen pressure?
Or am I fully blowing the situation out of purportion? And unable to understand a though situation of a single mother? Help.