TL;DR My girl friend escalates her own anxiety and panic over the worst possible "what ifs" in a situation, any attempt by me to offer constructive feedback, logic, rationality to try to help her see how unhealthy and negative her behavior is (without sounding inconsiderate) she lashes out defensively and acts like I'm just calling her "fucking stupid".
Some relative points:
– My GF has Sturge Webers Syndrome, a medical condition that effects the brain and development.
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A potentially related result of this is the most significant level of Anxiety and Panic attacks I've ever witnessed. From time to time she will just shut down, frozen in place, and starts making odd chirping like noises. She escalates everyday circumstances into its most extreme possibilities. (IE, the door was left unlocked and didn't put the dog in her kennel while we went to the store. She started with ' I really hope she doesn't have an accident on the bed and ruin the mattress' then cycles through the entire process of cleaning and replacing the bed….remembering the door being unlocked she goes to 'Hopefully no one just walks in and steals the PS5' followed immediately with 'OMG what if they kill my dog because shes roaming around the apartment!!' this all happened within around a minutes time.)
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Not trying to cut her down or anything but she seems to struggle with emotional immature. Giving her any sort of feedback that challenges her in anyway (her perspective/perception/beliefs/ideas/behavior she becomes argumentative, abrasive, and defensive like your insulting her. She gets hysterical sobbing and crying, silent treatment, and isolates. She doesn't respond well to any sort of friendly teasing, she feels like you are attacking her.
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A minor inconvenience or perceived criticism can and often will trigger a tantrum like episode. She becomes VERY angry VERY quickly, hits/throws things especially if it is the source of her frustration (like her phone when she hits the wrong button), slams doors, becomes VERY loud, negative, and "venomous".
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She isn't seeing a therapist or a psychiatrist so not on any sort of medications. I find psychology very interesting so naturally I've offered ideas for coping mechanisms when I can tell she's struggling trying to be helpful as well as clinical perspectives on certain behaviors…I abandoned the practice pretty early on because she only listens to respond and I might as well be talking to myself. I 100% believe she needs to talk to someone and get medicated but that's always dangerous when it comes to females lol.
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I am very patient. I put solid effort into empathy and remaining calm and even toned especially when there is potential for conflict due to my own trauma issues. I try to be compassionate and understanding. However, these episodes and negativity are starting to wear on my nerves and make me wonder if this medical diagnoses isn't being used as an excuse for continued shitty behavior, avoiding accountability, and/or exaggerated seeking attention. It's as if she looks for reasons to panic.
Today she started getting anxious over a situation, she started going into one of her worst case scenarios feeding into these thoughts just building the panic and anxiety up inside herself and it kills me to watch someone make themselves miserable, especially when it's pretty irrational. I tried to reel her back in by reassuring her she was safe that everything was okay nothing was going to happen…at this point we've already left the area of concern and the fear should be a non-issue it's no longer relevant…she just becomes more argumentative about what could have happened and why…I stood on my position that her fears were an unlikely occurrence.. that there was nothing to worry about. I tried to ask why she always goes to such extreme? and she starts yelling at me "I guess I'm just fucking stupid then. Great. Fine. I won't say anything sense I'm so fucking stupid. Everyone can express how they feel but not me Im always wrong because I'm just fucking stupid" I told her she wasn't going to talk to me like that that I wasn't calling her stupid or trying to insult her…because I was being assertive and explained how I don't talk to her that way, she got even more pissed like I called her out to be mean in an attempt to prove she was stupid and "the bad guy" and I get the silent treatment and the sound of any door she touches getting slammed no matter what I tried to say.
I can't just ignore this stuff and tbh it tends make me very uncomfortable and stir up my own anxiety. Any recommendations on what to do and how??