Okay guys, this is messy and hard and I’ve been through the wringer emotionally- I need help!
Long story short, I’m a F39 in a just turned one year relationship with a M41. Our relationship was lovely and he’s kind and thoughtful. My two teens like him but back in May, his brother, brother’s longtime girlfriend, and he were walking hanging out and he asked about her new tattoo. She took his hand and put it up to her boobs and laughed. He was a bit shocked and called to tell me what happened after. He thought it was funny, I thought it was inappropriate and he agreed. I asked him to keep distance from her.
She also (different day) scrolled through her phone while showing a picture and “accidentally” showed him a pic of her boob, laughed, said oops and changed it to the one she meant to show. I had hung out with them a couple times- she was always nice to me but I got some weird vibes from her toward my bf.
After a few more things like her posting very provocative pics on her social media (she used to be a fitness trainer- now just a millionaire do-nothing F45) and him liking the posts, I told him I really am uncomfortable with him being around her. They also were “best friends” and texted each other. He told me he’d start ignoring her texts and keep distance but that he was afraid if he told her what had made us uncomfortable, his brother might cut him off like he did for a long time with their sister when she voiced her offense when the gf was being sexually explicit talking about her man’s penis size etc- which lasted almost 12 years.
This past week we went to Miami to visit (and meet his mom) his mom and sister. I asked him if he was talking to Tiffany and he at first said no then yes and showed me the texts. Fairly innocent but it was he who reached out first before Thanksgiving and they both kept texting. He says it’s because 1. Her dog died and 2. She called him out in front of his brother for ignoring her texts. In the texts they each said they missed each other, she asked him to go visit, and he even sent her kissing emojis. I was furious and we almost broke up.
Now we’re going to go to therapy but he insists she’s just a good friend and person though he admits and told me before I met her, that she’s kind of crazy and people generally don’t like her including mutual friends of his and his brothers. I really want her out of our lives and sent her a polite message explaining what had happened and that to protect our relationship, we had agreed that she and my bf needed to stop communicating and that we just wanted to be cordial so the brothers could have a relationship.
What can we do now? We’re going to go to therapy but I’m worried about the family dynamic when we inevitably have to see her. Personally, I’m wishing she and the brother would break up since they’ve been on the verge of it a few times. Also should mention she never responded but a couple days afterwards, she posted the song Against All Odds. I see the symbolism behind it, my bf is convinced I’m crazy and see things that don’t mean she has an unhealthy interest in him and that if she tells his brother, their relationship will be over. The brother is moving back to Portland later this month and she’s coming back either February or March and the brothers like to hang out once a week.
TL;DR- my boyfriend’s brother’s girlfriend made an inappropriate move at him that he’s saying means nothing but I’m seeing patterns of her crossing boundaries. He won’t address it directly so I sent her a cordial message saying they needed to stop communicating as he and I agreed this is best for our relationship. Next steps?